I ask you to offer advice to fathers who exaggerate in the mahr (bridal gift) of their daughters...?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : I am sending you this message asking your excellence to kindly offer advice to some fathers, may Allah guide them, who demand a mahr (bridal gift) for their daughters that young men cannot afford. I am confident that many young men and women have been deprived of marriage, and the cause is the girl's family and their greed when someone proposes to marry their daughters. I ask you to advise these people. May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : And upon the questioner be peace, and the mercy and blessings of Allah. Advice for these fathers who treat their daughters as goods to be traded is available, praise be to Allah, in the sermons of mosque imams and in the words of preachers, as I think. But there is no harm in my adding my voice to theirs. I say that Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, has made men the guardians of women and made men responsible for them because of the intellectual and physical strength in men, their far-sightedness, their knowledge of affairs, and other things by which Allah has preferred men, as Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:34] And He, Glorified and Exalted is He, said: [Al-Baqarah 2:228] Consequently, Allah the Exalted has given men guardianship over women in the marriage contract, so no marriage is valid without a guardian. However, this guardian must fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic, and fulfill the trust in the women over whom Allah has placed him as guardian, whether she is his daughter, his sister, or any other woman over whom he has guardianship. It is not permissible for him to betray this trust by forcing her to marry someone she does not want, nor to betray this trust by preventing her from marrying someone she wants who is a suitable match in his religion and character. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan al-Bayhaqi 10:875 The guardian must first consider the woman's interest, because if Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says: [Al-An'am 6:152] how much more so should the person himself act accordingly? It is not permissible for us to act except in what is best for her. Preventing women from marriage by some guardians who are greedy and covetous, in whom perfect mercy and compassion have been lost, is a forbidden prevention because it contradicts the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in his saying: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam) And because it is an injustice and aggression against the woman if a suitable match proposes to her and he prevents her from marrying him while she wants him. I do not know, if someone prevented these guardians from marrying the women they want, and they are in need of it, would they not see that it is an injustice against them? And if they see that as an injustice against them, why do they not see it as an injustice against the women over whom Allah has placed them as guardians? So they should fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic. And I say: It is not permissible for a man, whether he is a father or not, to condition for himself anything from the mahr (bridal gift), whether little or much. The entire mahr (bridal gift) belongs to the wife. Allah the Exalted said: [An-Nisa 4:4] So He attributed the mahr (bridal gift) to the women and made the disposal of it theirs: [An-Nisa 4:4] If the mahr (bridal gift) belongs to the woman and she is the one who disposes of it, then it is not permissible for the man, I mean her guardian, whether he is a father or not, to condition for himself anything from it. But if the contract is completed and the wife owns the mahr (bridal gift), her father may take whatever he wishes from it under the conditions of permissible ownership mentioned by the scholars, including that it does not cause her harm. As for anyone other than the father, he has no right to take anything from her mahr (bridal gift) except what she consents to, on the condition that she is of sound mind, meaning an adult who is sane and good at managing her wealth, and she gives him permission to take something from it.
And I say this so that these greedy, covetous people stop taking something from the mahr (bridal gift) of women. And in my opinion, and knowledge is with Allah, if the guardian knows that he has no right to the mahr (bridal gift) and that if he takes even one qirsh from it in a manner other than the Shari'ah way, he is sinful and eating it is forbidden, then in my opinion, if the matter is so, it will be easy for the guardian to accept the suitor if he is a suitable match and the woman consents. As for what happens with some of these guardians, the greedy and covetous ones from whose hearts perfect mercy and compassion have been removed, who condition a large part of the mahr (bridal gift) for themselves, that is forbidden for them and not permissible. We ask Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, to facilitate a solution to this difficult problem.
The questioner : O Allah, amen.
The Shaykh : What I see in guiding the general public is that it should begin with the notables, dignitaries, and nobles of the towns marrying with small mahr (bridal gift) and announcing this. It is known that the general public follow their leaders, notables, and dignitaries. If the dignitaries begin with this and it is spread, and it is said that so-and-so married so-and-so from the noble and honorable families, and her mahr (bridal gift) was such and such, a small mahr (bridal gift) affordable for most people, then the issue will be resolved, or this will be one of the causes of its resolution. And success is from Allah.
The Shaykh : And upon the questioner be peace, and the mercy and blessings of Allah. Advice for these fathers who treat their daughters as goods to be traded is available, praise be to Allah, in the sermons of mosque imams and in the words of preachers, as I think. But there is no harm in my adding my voice to theirs. I say that Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, has made men the guardians of women and made men responsible for them because of the intellectual and physical strength in men, their far-sightedness, their knowledge of affairs, and other things by which Allah has preferred men, as Allah the Exalted said:
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority].
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌIf there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry her to him. If you do not do so, there will be a fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) in the land and widespread corruption.
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه، إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريضAnd do not approach the orphan's property except in a way that is best
وَلا تَقْرَبُوا مَالَ الْيَتِيمِ إِلَّا بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُWhen someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوهAnd give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.
وَءاتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِنْ طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ مِنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَرِيئًاAnd give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.
وَءاتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِنْ طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ مِنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَرِيئًاAnd I say this so that these greedy, covetous people stop taking something from the mahr (bridal gift) of women. And in my opinion, and knowledge is with Allah, if the guardian knows that he has no right to the mahr (bridal gift) and that if he takes even one qirsh from it in a manner other than the Shari'ah way, he is sinful and eating it is forbidden, then in my opinion, if the matter is so, it will be easy for the guardian to accept the suitor if he is a suitable match and the woman consents. As for what happens with some of these guardians, the greedy and covetous ones from whose hearts perfect mercy and compassion have been removed, who condition a large part of the mahr (bridal gift) for themselves, that is forbidden for them and not permissible. We ask Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, to facilitate a solution to this difficult problem.
The questioner : O Allah, amen.
The Shaykh : What I see in guiding the general public is that it should begin with the notables, dignitaries, and nobles of the towns marrying with small mahr (bridal gift) and announcing this. It is known that the general public follow their leaders, notables, and dignitaries. If the dignitaries begin with this and it is spread, and it is said that so-and-so married so-and-so from the noble and honorable families, and her mahr (bridal gift) was such and such, a small mahr (bridal gift) affordable for most people, then the issue will be resolved, or this will be one of the causes of its resolution. And success is from Allah.