Marital Problems: What Are the Ways to Resolve Them and the Best Solution?
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The questioner : A question on another topic: the issue of marital problems; that is, a man has a problem or disagreement with his wife, and it has escalated. Let me clarify the matter: a few days before last Friday, a man came to me asking for advice. He is a university professor who was complaining about his wife. She speaks to him in a way that is too high-handed, and there is a wound inflicted, meaning he hit... or something like that. He said his son is with him, thirteen years old, and he is suffering greatly. He asked: What should I do? I mentioned to him what I had heard from you regarding the case of the man who complained about his wife who touches him.
The Shaykh : Do not return the hand of one who touches you.
The questioner : "Do not return the hand of one who touches you," meaning that. So I mentioned this to him, and he said: Okay; what does that mean? Then he told me that he wants to marry another woman in addition to her. So which is the safer and better solution? Or what do you advise in such problems? We are asked about them often.
The Shaykh : Yes, but these are personal, internal matters, and it is difficult to determine a clear ruling; because some women who are fierce by nature and defiant of their husband's obedience are disciplined by marrying another woman over them. But some others are like pouring gasoline on fire. So how am I to distinguish whether this professor's wife is of this type or that type?
Another questioner : As long as he is eating his fill, meaning...!! [Everyone laughs!]
The questioner : He says she is the only daughter in her entire family who is committed; she covers herself and prays in the mosque, yes, and does not leave a single obligatory prayer, and is very keen on being committed in appearance. But the problem is that she is foul-mouthed with him, and if the matter heats up, she hits him!
The Shaykh : The problem today, Professor, is that religion is, for example, either just maintaining the prayer or just maintaining the jilbab for the woman, and so on. Religion is a set of rulings, and the more a Muslim man or woman adheres to these rulings, the more pleasing they are to Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He). So we now think that some women who wear the hijab and the jilbab, and this is undoubtedly a necessary matter, but it is not the whole of religion. Now, as we were coming here, there was the story of the one who was not making a fuss with the women... So my wife tells me that a woman asked my wife: they held a gathering for relatives, with no non-mahrams present, only women and mahrams. One of the committed girls was in the gathering the whole time, wearing the niqab, with no strangers, all mahrams and women. So she was asking one of her relatives: Is this what religion says? She was asking my wife. She said to her: By Allah, I have not heard this. She said: But what I understood from my husband is that it is permissible for a woman to uncover her face in front of non-mahrams, so a fortiori it is permissible for her to uncover it in front of women and mahrams. But I have not received such a question from women. So my point is: does this girl remain in the family gathering and wear this veil... is this the whole of religion? No, this is not of the religion. This falls under the generality of his saying (peace and blessings be upon him):. So you are saying about the professor that his wife is committed among her family. Commitment is not just this hijab. Is it permissible for her to treat her husband this way? The husband is not allowed to treat his wife in the same way she treats him. So this is not commitment.
The questioner : It seems, I am saying, this happens often. Also, one of the brothers said... that a person had a problem with his wife, so the discussion between them intensified, and he spat at her. So the discussion intensified more—he got angry—so the discussion intensified more and he slapped her with his palm. He could not bear it anymore, so he said to her: You are divorced. So in such a case... he will ask him... does it take effect or not?
Another questioner : He is afraid that the divorce has taken effect!! [Everyone laughs!]
Another questioner : This is his authority over her!!
The Shaykh : Do not return the hand of one who touches you.
The questioner : "Do not return the hand of one who touches you," meaning that. So I mentioned this to him, and he said: Okay; what does that mean? Then he told me that he wants to marry another woman in addition to her. So which is the safer and better solution? Or what do you advise in such problems? We are asked about them often.
The Shaykh : Yes, but these are personal, internal matters, and it is difficult to determine a clear ruling; because some women who are fierce by nature and defiant of their husband's obedience are disciplined by marrying another woman over them. But some others are like pouring gasoline on fire. So how am I to distinguish whether this professor's wife is of this type or that type?
Another questioner : As long as he is eating his fill, meaning...!! [Everyone laughs!]
The questioner : He says she is the only daughter in her entire family who is committed; she covers herself and prays in the mosque, yes, and does not leave a single obligatory prayer, and is very keen on being committed in appearance. But the problem is that she is foul-mouthed with him, and if the matter heats up, she hits him!
The Shaykh : The problem today, Professor, is that religion is, for example, either just maintaining the prayer or just maintaining the jilbab for the woman, and so on. Religion is a set of rulings, and the more a Muslim man or woman adheres to these rulings, the more pleasing they are to Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He). So we now think that some women who wear the hijab and the jilbab, and this is undoubtedly a necessary matter, but it is not the whole of religion. Now, as we were coming here, there was the story of the one who was not making a fuss with the women... So my wife tells me that a woman asked my wife: they held a gathering for relatives, with no non-mahrams present, only women and mahrams. One of the committed girls was in the gathering the whole time, wearing the niqab, with no strangers, all mahrams and women. So she was asking one of her relatives: Is this what religion says? She was asking my wife. She said to her: By Allah, I have not heard this. She said: But what I understood from my husband is that it is permissible for a woman to uncover her face in front of non-mahrams, so a fortiori it is permissible for her to uncover it in front of women and mahrams. But I have not received such a question from women. So my point is: does this girl remain in the family gathering and wear this veil... is this the whole of religion? No, this is not of the religion. This falls under the generality of his saying (peace and blessings be upon him):
The overzealous are ruined, the overzealous are ruined, the overzealous are ruined
هلك المتنطِّعون ، هلك المتنطِّعون ، هلك المتنطِّعونThe questioner : It seems, I am saying, this happens often. Also, one of the brothers said... that a person had a problem with his wife, so the discussion between them intensified, and he spat at her. So the discussion intensified more—he got angry—so the discussion intensified more and he slapped her with his palm. He could not bear it anymore, so he said to her: You are divorced. So in such a case... he will ask him... does it take effect or not?
Another questioner : He is afraid that the divorce has taken effect!! [Everyone laughs!]
Another questioner : This is his authority over her!!
Source
www.al-albany.com
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.