We request from your eminence a brief overview of marriage, particularly regarding the matter of mahr (bridal gifts)?
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The questioner : The questioner, Awad al-Hallum, an Egyptian resident in Jeddah, says: We request from your eminence a brief overview of marriage, particularly regarding the matter of mahr (bridal gifts). May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : Marriage is obligatory for every person who is able to perform it and fears fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) if he leaves it, because avoiding fitnah is obligatory, and whatever is necessary to complete an obligation is itself obligatory. For this reason, the jurists (may Allah have mercy on them) explicitly stated: “It is obligatory for one who fears committing zina (unlawful sexual intercourse) if he leaves it to get married.”
As for one who does not fear zina for himself, but has desire and is able, it is strongly recommended (mustahabb) for him to marry. Even if it were said to be obligatory in this case, there would be a valid basis for that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded it in his statement:Mishkat al-Masabih 3080.
One should choose from women one who has good character and religion, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sahih al-Bukhari 5090. This phrase, , means the utmost encouragement to choose a woman of religion, because a woman of religion is a cause for his rectitude, or for the strength of his faith and the increase of his rectitude.
Among the matters a person should learn from the rulings of marriage are the rights of the marital relationship, which are summarized in the words of Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He): and His saying: [Al-Baqarah 2:228]. It is obligatory for the husband to treat his wife in the way he would like to be treated, by fulfilling her rights and bringing affection between them. As the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said regarding the principle of cohabitation: .
He also advised well regarding women and said:. Let him look at the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and his conduct with his family, for he was the best of people to his family (peace and blessings be upon him), and he said: Sunan Ibn Majah 1977Hasan (Darussalam).
Let him know that marital happiness does not come through violence, imposing control, and believing that he is a high-ranking authority and that the woman is in his position like the lowest soldier. This is an error. Rather, he should look at her as his wife, his companion, the mother of his children, and the caretaker of his home, and respect her as he would like her to respect him.
Likewise, the wife must also know the right of the husband, and that he has a great right over her, and she should strive hard to do what brings about his satisfaction and joy, so that affection, love, and tenderness are established between them. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Marriage is obligatory for every person who is able to perform it and fears fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) if he leaves it, because avoiding fitnah is obligatory, and whatever is necessary to complete an obligation is itself obligatory. For this reason, the jurists (may Allah have mercy on them) explicitly stated: “It is obligatory for one who fears committing zina (unlawful sexual intercourse) if he leaves it to get married.”
As for one who does not fear zina for himself, but has desire and is able, it is strongly recommended (mustahabb) for him to marry. Even if it were said to be obligatory in this case, there would be a valid basis for that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded it in his statement:
Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality
يا معشر الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوّج فإنه أغض للبصر وأحصن للفرجOne should choose from women one who has good character and religion, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
تُنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها وحسبها وجمالها ودينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداكMay your hands be dusted.
تربت يداكAmong the matters a person should learn from the rulings of marriage are the rights of the marital relationship, which are summarized in the words of Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He):
and live with them in kindness
وعاشروهن بالمعروفAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable
وَلَهُنَّ مِثلُ الَّذي عَلَيهِنَّ بِالمَعروفِA believer does not hate a believing woman; that is, he does not dislike her or hate her. If he dislikes a trait in her, he is pleased with another trait in her.
لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة أي لا يكرهها ولا يبغضها إن كره منها خلقا رضي منها خلقا ءاخرHe also advised well regarding women and said:
They were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it as it is, you will benefit from it despite its crookedness.
إنهن خلقن من ضلع وإن أعوج شيء في الضلع أعلاه فإن ذهبت تقيمها كسرتها وإن استمتعت بها استمتعت بها على عِوجThe best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.
خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهليLet him know that marital happiness does not come through violence, imposing control, and believing that he is a high-ranking authority and that the woman is in his position like the lowest soldier. This is an error. Rather, he should look at her as his wife, his companion, the mother of his children, and the caretaker of his home, and respect her as he would like her to respect him.
Likewise, the wife must also know the right of the husband, and that he has a great right over her, and she should strive hard to do what brings about his satisfaction and joy, so that affection, love, and tenderness are established between them. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh.