What is the ruling on gathering to offer condolences to the family of the deceased?
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The questioner : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May Allah guide you and protect you, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : And you as well.
The questioner : If a person dies, for example, the people sit in the house and receive the condolence visitors. We have heard from you that this is a religious innovation (bid'ah). Is their sitting considered forbidden (haram)? Also, do they close their door to the visitors, as well as the telephone? And are those who go to them to offer condolences sinners? Then, what if, for example, the father or mother orders it?
The Shaykh : How many questions is this? How many questions?
The questioner : Is it?
The Shaykh : ... and he says: This is one question.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : In any case, we will limit ourselves to the first point, because our rule is not to go beyond one question.
There is no doubt that gathering to offer condolences is a religious innovation (bid'ah). Here is the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him); his sons, his uncles, and his Companions died, yet he never sat for a single day in history to receive condolences, to receive condolences, even though he is the one who legislates, and even though the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) were the most intense of people in consoling the Messenger (may the prayer and peace of Allah be upon him) and offering him condolences, but they did not do it; they did not flock to him to offer him condolences.
And we have never known of this at all. Rather, Jarir ibn Abdullah al-Bajali (may Allah be pleased with him) said: And it is known that wailing is among the major sins, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) cursed the one who wails and the one who listens to it.
And I say to you from this place: Customs do not judge the Shari'ah; rather, the Shari'ah judges customs. That is, we must return customs to the Shari'ah, not return the Shari'ah to customs. We do not say: "People have become accustomed to this." We say: "And if they have become accustomed to this?" The people of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance (jahiliyyah) became accustomed to associating partners with Allah (shirk); did the Messenger leave them as they were? And the sinners became accustomed to sinning; do we leave them? If this matter did not exist in the time of the Messenger (may the prayer and peace of Allah be upon him) or the time of the Companions, why do we do it? Furthermore, this gathering is accompanied in some countries by lighting the lights. You find the house as if it were a wedding house, with chairs arranged and people gathering, some inside and some outside. There may be crying and wailing, and perhaps a reciter comes to recite for a few coins, seeking worldly gain through the deeds of the Hereafter, so we assist him in this sin. The result is that we see this to be among the religious innovations (bid'ah) and that it should be abandoned.
The scholars have mentioned this before us; look at their books. But someone might say: If a man's relatives want to come to the house of their relative to offer him condolences and leave without opening the door to receive people, some inside and some outside, I hope there is no harm or blame in this, because sometimes if your uncle or your brother dies, it is not maintaining family ties (silat al-rahim) not to go to their house to offer them condolences. Go and offer them condolences, but without a gathering.
Also, do you know why condolences were legislated? They were legislated so that we would strengthen the bereaved in patience and endurance, not so that we would gather with him to wail with him and over him. If the one who died was a relative of someone who did not care about his relative at all, and perhaps he was even happy that he died because there were problems between them in this world, then he does not deserve condolences. One might say: "What does this deserve? Congratulations, because his enemy died." But people have become accustomed to this: if someone dies, go and offer condolences and gather. This is a world of entering and this is a world of leaving, and some people slaughter animals. So we say: Do not burden yourself with a matter that is not recommended (mustahabb) for you in the Shari'ah; rather, it involves wasting time, wasting money, and contradicting the guidance of the Salaf. Yes, yes.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May Allah guide you and protect you, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : And you as well.
The questioner : If a person dies, for example, the people sit in the house and receive the condolence visitors. We have heard from you that this is a religious innovation (bid'ah). Is their sitting considered forbidden (haram)? Also, do they close their door to the visitors, as well as the telephone? And are those who go to them to offer condolences sinners? Then, what if, for example, the father or mother orders it?
The Shaykh : How many questions is this? How many questions?
The questioner : Is it?
The Shaykh : ... and he says: This is one question.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good, O Shaykh.
The Shaykh : In any case, we will limit ourselves to the first point, because our rule is not to go beyond one question.
There is no doubt that gathering to offer condolences is a religious innovation (bid'ah). Here is the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him); his sons, his uncles, and his Companions died, yet he never sat for a single day in history to receive condolences, to receive condolences, even though he is the one who legislates, and even though the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) were the most intense of people in consoling the Messenger (may the prayer and peace of Allah be upon him) and offering him condolences, but they did not do it; they did not flock to him to offer him condolences.
And we have never known of this at all. Rather, Jarir ibn Abdullah al-Bajali (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
We used to consider gathering for the family of the deceased and preparing food to be part of wailing.
كنا نعد الاجتماع لأهل الميت وصنع الطعام من النياحةAnd I say to you from this place: Customs do not judge the Shari'ah; rather, the Shari'ah judges customs. That is, we must return customs to the Shari'ah, not return the Shari'ah to customs. We do not say: "People have become accustomed to this." We say: "And if they have become accustomed to this?" The people of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance (jahiliyyah) became accustomed to associating partners with Allah (shirk); did the Messenger leave them as they were? And the sinners became accustomed to sinning; do we leave them? If this matter did not exist in the time of the Messenger (may the prayer and peace of Allah be upon him) or the time of the Companions, why do we do it? Furthermore, this gathering is accompanied in some countries by lighting the lights. You find the house as if it were a wedding house, with chairs arranged and people gathering, some inside and some outside. There may be crying and wailing, and perhaps a reciter comes to recite for a few coins, seeking worldly gain through the deeds of the Hereafter, so we assist him in this sin. The result is that we see this to be among the religious innovations (bid'ah) and that it should be abandoned.
The scholars have mentioned this before us; look at their books. But someone might say: If a man's relatives want to come to the house of their relative to offer him condolences and leave without opening the door to receive people, some inside and some outside, I hope there is no harm or blame in this, because sometimes if your uncle or your brother dies, it is not maintaining family ties (silat al-rahim) not to go to their house to offer them condolences. Go and offer them condolences, but without a gathering.
Also, do you know why condolences were legislated? They were legislated so that we would strengthen the bereaved in patience and endurance, not so that we would gather with him to wail with him and over him. If the one who died was a relative of someone who did not care about his relative at all, and perhaps he was even happy that he died because there were problems between them in this world, then he does not deserve condolences. One might say: "What does this deserve? Congratulations, because his enemy died." But people have become accustomed to this: if someone dies, go and offer condolences and gather. This is a world of entering and this is a world of leaving, and some people slaughter animals. So we say: Do not burden yourself with a matter that is not recommended (mustahabb) for you in the Shari'ah; rather, it involves wasting time, wasting money, and contradicting the guidance of the Salaf. Yes, yes.