A questioner says that she is a pious girl, and a pious young man who is a jurist well-versed in knowing the rulings of the Shari'ah has proposed to her from her father, but he refused and said it must be from the family, and
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The questioner : She mentions that she is a pious girl and praises Allah, and that a pious young man who is a jurist, well-versed in knowing the matters of the Shari'ah and its rulings, has proposed to her. She says: He proposed to me through my father, but he refused and said: It must be from the family. He said: He is not from the family. She has read in one of the books a hadith from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him): Sunan Ibn Majah 1967Da'if (Darussalam) What is the fitnah in this hadith? And does her father have a sin in refusing this young man? May Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh : This question requires an answer that includes an introduction and advice we direct to the guardians in the marriage of women:
It is well known that the wali (the bride's guardian) of a woman must fulfill the trust by not marrying her to someone whose religion he does not approve of, even if the woman desires it, because the woman is limited in her intellect and thinking. For this reason, it is not valid for her to be a general ruler over men and women, although it is valid for her to be a guardian for the affairs of women in the field of women, such as a school principal or the like.
She may choose for herself someone whose religion he does not approve of because she is attracted to his appearance, or because she is attracted to his eloquence, or his flattery, or something similar. In this case, her wali has the right to prevent her from marrying this suitor. Just as he has the right to prevent her from marrying someone whose religion he does not approve of, it is forbidden for him to prevent her from marrying someone whom she has approved of and who has good character and religion, because the matter is up to her in that. The wali is merely one who takes charge of her affairs so that she does not be deceived and choose someone with whom she should not marry. However, he does not have complete control over her such that he prevents her from whoever he wishes and marries her to whoever he wishes. Therefore, the wali of a woman must marry her to someone whose religion and character he approves of and whom she has approved of, and it is not permissible for him to prevent her. If he prevents her, he is sinful. In fact, the scholars have said: If his prevention is repeated, he becomes a fasiq (open sinner), and his guardianship is dropped and the guardianship transfers to the one after him.
Accordingly, if the father prevents the marriage of his daughter to a person whom she has approved of and whose religion and character he approves of, then her uncle has the right to marry her even if her father dislikes it, and her brother has the right to marry her even if her father dislikes it. The brother takes precedence over the uncle, but the brother may not step forward to marry her out of fear of his father, so in this case the uncle marries her. If the uncle refuses, the son of the uncle marries her. If the family refuses out of respect for her father, the judge marries her.
Although this is usually and customarily prevented, we clarify that it is a right for the woman, whether it is done or not. But we warn the guardians not to prevent those over whom Allah has placed them from marrying a suitable match whom they approve of. This is what we want the guardians to pay attention to in the marriage of women.
As for this specific case, we say to this woman: If your father refuses to marry you to someone whose character and religion you have approved of, and he refuses to marry you to anyone but from the family, then it is not obligatory for you to obey him. Rather, you have the right to ask the wali after him to marry you. If the guardians refuse following customs and traditions, then ask the judge for that. The judge must marry you unless he sees or fears a great harm in your marriage, in which case the matter is up to him.
As for the meaning of the hadith: The fitnah is either in wealth or in honor, and the great corruption is the evil that results from this fitnah, such as the spread of zina (unlawful sexual intercourse) and other things. This is a warning from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to whoever prevents the marriage of his ward to someone whose religion and character he approves of.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.
إذا أتاكم من ترضون خلقه ودينه فزوجوه، إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبيرThe Shaykh : This question requires an answer that includes an introduction and advice we direct to the guardians in the marriage of women:
It is well known that the wali (the bride's guardian) of a woman must fulfill the trust by not marrying her to someone whose religion he does not approve of, even if the woman desires it, because the woman is limited in her intellect and thinking. For this reason, it is not valid for her to be a general ruler over men and women, although it is valid for her to be a guardian for the affairs of women in the field of women, such as a school principal or the like.
She may choose for herself someone whose religion he does not approve of because she is attracted to his appearance, or because she is attracted to his eloquence, or his flattery, or something similar. In this case, her wali has the right to prevent her from marrying this suitor. Just as he has the right to prevent her from marrying someone whose religion he does not approve of, it is forbidden for him to prevent her from marrying someone whom she has approved of and who has good character and religion, because the matter is up to her in that. The wali is merely one who takes charge of her affairs so that she does not be deceived and choose someone with whom she should not marry. However, he does not have complete control over her such that he prevents her from whoever he wishes and marries her to whoever he wishes. Therefore, the wali of a woman must marry her to someone whose religion and character he approves of and whom she has approved of, and it is not permissible for him to prevent her. If he prevents her, he is sinful. In fact, the scholars have said: If his prevention is repeated, he becomes a fasiq (open sinner), and his guardianship is dropped and the guardianship transfers to the one after him.
Accordingly, if the father prevents the marriage of his daughter to a person whom she has approved of and whose religion and character he approves of, then her uncle has the right to marry her even if her father dislikes it, and her brother has the right to marry her even if her father dislikes it. The brother takes precedence over the uncle, but the brother may not step forward to marry her out of fear of his father, so in this case the uncle marries her. If the uncle refuses, the son of the uncle marries her. If the family refuses out of respect for her father, the judge marries her.
Although this is usually and customarily prevented, we clarify that it is a right for the woman, whether it is done or not. But we warn the guardians not to prevent those over whom Allah has placed them from marrying a suitable match whom they approve of. This is what we want the guardians to pay attention to in the marriage of women.
As for this specific case, we say to this woman: If your father refuses to marry you to someone whose character and religion you have approved of, and he refuses to marry you to anyone but from the family, then it is not obligatory for you to obey him. Rather, you have the right to ask the wali after him to marry you. If the guardians refuse following customs and traditions, then ask the judge for that. The judge must marry you unless he sees or fears a great harm in your marriage, in which case the matter is up to him.
As for the meaning of the hadith:
If there comes to you a man whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him to her - or he said: then give him in marriage - for if you do not, there will be a fitnah on the earth and great corruption
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه -أو قال : فأنكحوه- إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبيرThe questioner : May Allah bless you.