The Obligation of a Child to Obey His Parent in What Is Good, Even If the Parent Is Cruel to the Child
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Question:
The first letter in this episode is a very long one, sent by one of our brother listeners. At the end, he signs it: Muhammad Sa'id Abd al-Rahman. He began his letter as follows: In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate. May Allah preserve you, His Eminence Shaykh Abd al-Aziz ibn Abd Allah ibn Baz, amen! Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings. After that: I turn to your eminence through this beneficial and useful program with the following question: I have a relative who is also a very dear friend. I wish him good and fear for him evil. He is a university student with very good morals, who is careful to maintain the prayers in the mosque and attends lectures and religious seminars often. His father divorced his mother about two years or more ago and married another woman. His mother has several sons, but she settled with him because of his mercy toward her and his dutifulness to her. One day, his father said to me, knowing that I am a friend of the aforementioned son: If you love so-and-so, then advise him, for he is undutiful to me. Then he began to complain about his treatment of him and that he does not respect him. I promised him well, and I went to my friend and reminded him of dutifulness to parents, and that his dutifulness to his mother should not make him forget his dutifulness to his father, and that his father has a right over him, no matter how bad his relationship is with his mother. Although I say: his father is a man who is careful to maintain the prayers—to my knowledge—fulfills his duty toward his children, and maintains family ties, even if there is some harshness in him toward his wife whom he divorced. I was greatly astonished when my friend said to me: This treatment is what his father deserves. He complained about him and said that he treats him badly and does not respect him, so he treats him with the same treatment. I mentioned to him that that is not befitting, and that even if a father hits his son, or is abusive to him in speech, even without reason, even in front of people, the son must be patient. And it is from religion, honor, and dignity to obey the father and not disobey him. What about quarreling with him and answering him back?! So my friend said to me: This is my father; he knows his worth well. If it happened and he did with me what I mentioned, I would hit him and make him an example to others. When I heard this statement, I knew that advising my friend from me would not be of benefit, and that either he is ignorant of the greatness of undutifulness to parents, or that he is disobedient to Allah with knowledge and insight. So I turned to Allah, then to your eminence, hoping that he will listen to your eminence and return to the right path. May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon whoever follows his guidance. As for what follows:
I have advised this man, and I did well in advising him. And he erred in what he said to you and did wrong regarding his father. It is obligatory upon him to be dutiful to his father, and to address him in the best manner, and to remember the right of the father. Even if he divorced his mother, the father has a great right, and the mother has a great right. Both have a right, and there is no doubt that the right of the mother is greater and more exalted.
But that does not prevent fulfilling the duty to the father. It is obligatory upon his friend to fear Allah, and to watch over Allah, and to be dutiful to his father and treat him well. Even if his father is cruel to him, he should not meet cruelty with cruelty, but meet cruelty with kindness, good speech, good manner, and supplication for his father for good, uprightness, and guidance. This is what is obligatory upon him. Many texts from the Book and the Sunnah have indicated this. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says in His great Book: [Luqman: 14]. And in the other verse: [Al-Ankabut: 8]. And He says (Exalted and Majestic is He): [Luqman: 14]. And He says (Exalted and Majestic is He): [An-Nisa: 36]. And the verses in this meaning are many. And He says (Exalted and Majestic is He): [Al-Isra 17:23] And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small [Al-Isra: 23-24].
And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith:Bulugh al-Maram 16:21 And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith, in the two Sahihs: Sahih al-Bukhari 5976 So undutifulness to parents is among the greatest of major sins, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) paired it with shirk (associating partners with Allah). So it is obligatory upon this man, and upon others, to be dutiful to his father, and to fear Allah in that, even if his father is cruel to him. But he supplicates for his father for success and guidance, and asks his good brothers, from uncles or others, to advise his father so that he does not be harsh with him, and so that he has mercy on him, and so that he shows him affection with good speech.
As for him, it is obligatory for him to be dutiful to his father and not to forget his dutifulness to his mother; rather, he should fear Allah and treat his father with the best conduct. Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) said regarding a child with his two disbelieving parents: [Luqman:15] And they are disbelievers, so what about a Muslim?!
So this friend of yours should fear Allah, and repent to Allah from his bad deed, and be dutiful to his father and treat him well, and be gentle with him, and supplicate to Allah for him for success and guidance, and seek help in that from his special good brothers, from uncles or maternal uncles or friends, so that they advise his father to be gentle with him and treat him with the gentleness that is befitting. And this is from the category of cooperation in righteousness and piety. We ask Allah for guidance for all of them.
The presenter : O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
The first letter in this episode is a very long one, sent by one of our brother listeners. At the end, he signs it: Muhammad Sa'id Abd al-Rahman. He began his letter as follows: In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate. May Allah preserve you, His Eminence Shaykh Abd al-Aziz ibn Abd Allah ibn Baz, amen! Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings. After that: I turn to your eminence through this beneficial and useful program with the following question: I have a relative who is also a very dear friend. I wish him good and fear for him evil. He is a university student with very good morals, who is careful to maintain the prayers in the mosque and attends lectures and religious seminars often. His father divorced his mother about two years or more ago and married another woman. His mother has several sons, but she settled with him because of his mercy toward her and his dutifulness to her. One day, his father said to me, knowing that I am a friend of the aforementioned son: If you love so-and-so, then advise him, for he is undutiful to me. Then he began to complain about his treatment of him and that he does not respect him. I promised him well, and I went to my friend and reminded him of dutifulness to parents, and that his dutifulness to his mother should not make him forget his dutifulness to his father, and that his father has a right over him, no matter how bad his relationship is with his mother. Although I say: his father is a man who is careful to maintain the prayers—to my knowledge—fulfills his duty toward his children, and maintains family ties, even if there is some harshness in him toward his wife whom he divorced. I was greatly astonished when my friend said to me: This treatment is what his father deserves. He complained about him and said that he treats him badly and does not respect him, so he treats him with the same treatment. I mentioned to him that that is not befitting, and that even if a father hits his son, or is abusive to him in speech, even without reason, even in front of people, the son must be patient. And it is from religion, honor, and dignity to obey the father and not disobey him. What about quarreling with him and answering him back?! So my friend said to me: This is my father; he knows his worth well. If it happened and he did with me what I mentioned, I would hit him and make him an example to others. When I heard this statement, I knew that advising my friend from me would not be of benefit, and that either he is ignorant of the greatness of undutifulness to parents, or that he is disobedient to Allah with knowledge and insight. So I turned to Allah, then to your eminence, hoping that he will listen to your eminence and return to the right path. May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon whoever follows his guidance. As for what follows:
I have advised this man, and I did well in advising him. And he erred in what he said to you and did wrong regarding his father. It is obligatory upon him to be dutiful to his father, and to address him in the best manner, and to remember the right of the father. Even if he divorced his mother, the father has a great right, and the mother has a great right. Both have a right, and there is no doubt that the right of the mother is greater and more exalted.
But that does not prevent fulfilling the duty to the father. It is obligatory upon his friend to fear Allah, and to watch over Allah, and to be dutiful to his father and treat him well. Even if his father is cruel to him, he should not meet cruelty with cruelty, but meet cruelty with kindness, good speech, good manner, and supplication for his father for good, uprightness, and guidance. This is what is obligatory upon him. Many texts from the Book and the Sunnah have indicated this. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says in His great Book:
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents
وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ إِحْسَانًاwith goodness
حُسْنًاBe grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.
أَنِِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُWorship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاAnd your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْْ كِلاهُمَا فَلا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in the authentic hadith:
Allah’s pleasure results from the parent’s pleasure, and Allah’s displeasure results from the parent’s displeasure.
رضا الله في رضا الوالدين، وسخط الله في سخط الوالدين"Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?" We said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)" He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one's parents."
ألا أنبئكم بأكبر الكبائر؟ قلنا: بلى يا رسول الله! قال: الإشراك بالله، وعقوق الوالدين وشهادة الزورAs for him, it is obligatory for him to be dutiful to his father and not to forget his dutifulness to his mother; rather, he should fear Allah and treat his father with the best conduct. Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) said regarding a child with his two disbelieving parents:
but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness
وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًاSo this friend of yours should fear Allah, and repent to Allah from his bad deed, and be dutiful to his father and treat him well, and be gentle with him, and supplicate to Allah for him for success and guidance, and seek help in that from his special good brothers, from uncles or maternal uncles or friends, so that they advise his father to be gentle with him and treat him with the gentleness that is befitting. And this is from the category of cooperation in righteousness and piety. We ask Allah for guidance for all of them.
The presenter : O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.