Advice to a husband who commits forbidden acts and does not fulfill his wife’s rights
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Question:
A message from His Eminence the Shaykh arrived from one of the female listeners, and she wrote it in a state of distress. I will summarize the following from it:
His Eminence the Shaykh, I am a wife who fears Allah constantly, and I feel that He is watching me at all times. But Allah has afflicted me with a husband who does not fear Allah in anything. I trusted him completely at the beginning of our marriage, but it became clear to me afterwards that he was not worthy of this trust. He deceived me and cheated me, and he continued to pursue his desires. He does not consider my feelings or my emotions. I fear for my children because of their father’s corrupt conduct, because the hadith says: “If you are chaste, your women will be chaste.” Whenever I mentioned lowering the gaze, he mocked it, and he also mocks me when I tell him to repent and reform.
His Eminence the Shaykh, what is the ruling in Islam regarding such a treacherous, deceptive, and cheating husband? I ask you to direct a word to him so that his conscience awakens and he turns back from these actions, because in my view he has become a symbol of betrayal, treachery, and lack of loyalty and sincerity. He does not have the self-reproaching soul. I ask you to remind him that Allah is watching him, and that He will question him about his time, and his eyes, his legs, and his hands will testify.
His Eminence the Shaykh, chaos has spread, and security has been lost from our marital life. Stability and calmness have been lost, and anxiety and psychological tension have taken their place because of the behavior of the head of the family, who was supposed to be a symbol of rectitude and providing security and safety.
I ask you to remind my husband that a husband must not stay up late, nor laugh, nor joke except with his wife, and he must not look at anyone except his wife as long as she is upright and of noble character. His actions have made me feel that I am the most miserable of wives. How can the future be with someone like him unless he repents from that? I hope from Allah that my husband’s guidance will come through your program, may Allah make it a light for everyone.
And finally: Peace be upon you and Allah’s mercy and blessings.
Signature: A wife.
Answer:
This question and this report contain generalities and lack detail. My advice to the husband is to fear Allah in his wife, to fulfill her rights, to care for her as Allah has commanded, and to beware of what Allah has forbidden him, such as zina, the means to zina, and looking at women. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says: [Al-Nur: 30]. So if he is a believer, he is commanded with this [Al-Nur: 30].
So my advice to you, O husband, is to fear Allah in this wife, to care for her rights, to be good to her, to be gentle with her, and to beware of what Allah has forbidden you from other sins, such as zina, the means to zina, and other things that Allah has forbidden.
As for what concerns laughing and joking and the like, this is not exclusive to the wife. Demanding that he not laugh except with you and not joke except with you is an aggression on your part with no basis. There is no harm in his laughing with his children, his mother, his sisters, and his friends, and there is no harm in his joking with them in a truthful manner without exaggerating to the point of leading to falsehood. You do not have the right to be strict with him in this. What is forbidden for him is to harm you or to deprive you of any of your rights. As for the other matters that Allah has permitted for him, you do not have the right to be strict with him in them, whether in visiting his loved ones and good brothers, or in laughing with some of his relatives and friends, or in joking with whoever he wishes in a way that does not contain what Allah has forbidden, but rather joking in a truthful manner.
The point is: It is upon you, O sister in Allah, to be fair. So ask for your right only, and do not ask for what is not yours. You must be gentle and use a good manner and beautiful patience until Allah guides him and until he fulfills the obligation, as long as he is a Muslim who prays and fears Allah . But he may fall short in your rights, so you must ask for your right with gentleness, a good manner, and kind words. What is obligatory for him is to fear Allah in you, to be fair to you, and to give you your rights. This is what is obligatory for him.
Also, it is obligatory for him and for all other Muslims, male and female, to beware of what Allah has forbidden, to stay away from the sins of Allah, and to stand by the limits of Allah. For in that is happiness in this world and the Hereafter, and in violating sins is great danger and a wretched outcome, except for the one to whom Allah grants repentance. May Allah grant everyone success and guidance. And Allah knows best. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good and benefit us with your knowledge. If the owner of the message, His Eminence the Shaykh, is from a mixed society, and I have noticed that her husband does not refrain from laughing and joking with non-mahram women, do you have a word to say?
The Shaykh: This falls within the scope of the discussion. If his joking with a non-mahram woman or his laughing is a means to immorality, or with her being uncovered, or with seclusion with her, all of this is not permissible.
The presenter: Some habits or some sins are believed by some to be inherited. Do you have a word, Shaykh Abdul Aziz?
The Shaykh: Sins and disobedience are not inherited. Allah says: [Al-An'am: 164]. As for the fact that he may imitate, yes, he may imitate his predecessors, but a person must beware of that and stay away from evil, because his children may follow his example. It is feared that he has led them to this by his action, and he is feared of the sin of that; because of his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih Muslim 1893a And he said in the second part: Sunan Abi Dawud 4609Sahih (Al-Albani) His action in that may be a type of calling, so he should beware.
The presenter: Our sister quoted a part of the hadith “If you are chaste, your women will be chaste.” Is there an explanation for this part? If you would be kind.
The Shaykh: This hadith is famous, but I do not know the state of its chain. However, experiences are occurring, and the general rule is that if a man is chaste, his women will be chaste, and if he indulges in the forbidden, he may be afflicted in his women with that. We ask Allah for safety.
His wife will follow his example, and his daughters will follow his example, and there is no power nor strength except by Allah. If they know corruption from him, then the obligation is to beware so that his wife, daughters, and sisters do not fall into what he fell into because of his causes. We ask Allah for well-being. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He benefit us with your knowledge.
A message from His Eminence the Shaykh arrived from one of the female listeners, and she wrote it in a state of distress. I will summarize the following from it:
His Eminence the Shaykh, I am a wife who fears Allah constantly, and I feel that He is watching me at all times. But Allah has afflicted me with a husband who does not fear Allah in anything. I trusted him completely at the beginning of our marriage, but it became clear to me afterwards that he was not worthy of this trust. He deceived me and cheated me, and he continued to pursue his desires. He does not consider my feelings or my emotions. I fear for my children because of their father’s corrupt conduct, because the hadith says: “If you are chaste, your women will be chaste.” Whenever I mentioned lowering the gaze, he mocked it, and he also mocks me when I tell him to repent and reform.
His Eminence the Shaykh, what is the ruling in Islam regarding such a treacherous, deceptive, and cheating husband? I ask you to direct a word to him so that his conscience awakens and he turns back from these actions, because in my view he has become a symbol of betrayal, treachery, and lack of loyalty and sincerity. He does not have the self-reproaching soul. I ask you to remind him that Allah is watching him, and that He will question him about his time, and his eyes, his legs, and his hands will testify.
His Eminence the Shaykh, chaos has spread, and security has been lost from our marital life. Stability and calmness have been lost, and anxiety and psychological tension have taken their place because of the behavior of the head of the family, who was supposed to be a symbol of rectitude and providing security and safety.
I ask you to remind my husband that a husband must not stay up late, nor laugh, nor joke except with his wife, and he must not look at anyone except his wife as long as she is upright and of noble character. His actions have made me feel that I am the most miserable of wives. How can the future be with someone like him unless he repents from that? I hope from Allah that my husband’s guidance will come through your program, may Allah make it a light for everyone.
And finally: Peace be upon you and Allah’s mercy and blessings.
Signature: A wife.
Answer:
This question and this report contain generalities and lack detail. My advice to the husband is to fear Allah in his wife, to fulfill her rights, to care for her as Allah has commanded, and to beware of what Allah has forbidden him, such as zina, the means to zina, and looking at women. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says:
Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision
قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْTell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them
قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْSo my advice to you, O husband, is to fear Allah in this wife, to care for her rights, to be good to her, to be gentle with her, and to beware of what Allah has forbidden you from other sins, such as zina, the means to zina, and other things that Allah has forbidden.
As for what concerns laughing and joking and the like, this is not exclusive to the wife. Demanding that he not laugh except with you and not joke except with you is an aggression on your part with no basis. There is no harm in his laughing with his children, his mother, his sisters, and his friends, and there is no harm in his joking with them in a truthful manner without exaggerating to the point of leading to falsehood. You do not have the right to be strict with him in this. What is forbidden for him is to harm you or to deprive you of any of your rights. As for the other matters that Allah has permitted for him, you do not have the right to be strict with him in them, whether in visiting his loved ones and good brothers, or in laughing with some of his relatives and friends, or in joking with whoever he wishes in a way that does not contain what Allah has forbidden, but rather joking in a truthful manner.
The point is: It is upon you, O sister in Allah, to be fair. So ask for your right only, and do not ask for what is not yours. You must be gentle and use a good manner and beautiful patience until Allah guides him and until he fulfills the obligation, as long as he is a Muslim who prays and fears Allah . But he may fall short in your rights, so you must ask for your right with gentleness, a good manner, and kind words. What is obligatory for him is to fear Allah in you, to be fair to you, and to give you your rights. This is what is obligatory for him.
Also, it is obligatory for him and for all other Muslims, male and female, to beware of what Allah has forbidden, to stay away from the sins of Allah, and to stand by the limits of Allah. For in that is happiness in this world and the Hereafter, and in violating sins is great danger and a wretched outcome, except for the one to whom Allah grants repentance. May Allah grant everyone success and guidance. And Allah knows best. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good and benefit us with your knowledge. If the owner of the message, His Eminence the Shaykh, is from a mixed society, and I have noticed that her husband does not refrain from laughing and joking with non-mahram women, do you have a word to say?
The Shaykh: This falls within the scope of the discussion. If his joking with a non-mahram woman or his laughing is a means to immorality, or with her being uncovered, or with seclusion with her, all of this is not permissible.
The presenter: Some habits or some sins are believed by some to be inherited. Do you have a word, Shaykh Abdul Aziz?
The Shaykh: Sins and disobedience are not inherited. Allah says:
and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another
وَلا تَزِرُ وَازِرَةٌ وِزْرَ أُخْرَىOne who guides to something good has a reward similar to that of its doer.
من دل على خير فله مثل أجر فاعلهand if anyone summons others to follow error
ومن دعا إلى ضلالة كان عليه من الإثم مثل آثام من تبعهThe presenter: Our sister quoted a part of the hadith “If you are chaste, your women will be chaste.” Is there an explanation for this part? If you would be kind.
The Shaykh: This hadith is famous, but I do not know the state of its chain. However, experiences are occurring, and the general rule is that if a man is chaste, his women will be chaste, and if he indulges in the forbidden, he may be afflicted in his women with that. We ask Allah for safety.
His wife will follow his example, and his daughters will follow his example, and there is no power nor strength except by Allah. If they know corruption from him, then the obligation is to beware so that his wife, daughters, and sisters do not fall into what he fell into because of his causes. We ask Allah for well-being. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He benefit us with your knowledge.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.