Is there a sin on the father if he prays for the destruction of his children because of their undutifulness to him, and what is the ruling on the children regarding their undutifulness to their father?
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The questioner : He says, "I am the father of six sons. I used to work in a free profession from which I earned a little, but because it was lawful earnings, Allah blessed me with it, so I spent from it. My wife and I strived for these sons with what duty dictates and what the paternal instinct inclines us to, until they grew up and became independent. Some are employees, some are self-employed, and some are teachers. But, to our great regret, they were not successful in being dutiful to us and doing good to us. If that were all, it would be one thing, but it went beyond that to undutifulness. They insult us and curse us, and they may even hit us, without fear of Allah or shame."
The Shaykh : We seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : They have cut off all means of communication with us, so we do not see them even on the festivals of the Muslims. I was not in that state with my father to the point that I would say this is my reward in this world; on the contrary, I was dutiful to both of them until the last moment of their lives. They passed away while satisfied with me. As for me, I bear all hatred and aversion toward these undutiful sons to the extent that I supplicate to Allah for their destruction. Is there anything on me for that? And what is on them for this undutifulness?
The Shaykh : There is no doubt that undutifulness to parents is among the greatest of major sins, and I seek refuge in Allah. These boys have fallen into great evil. They must repent to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) and return to Him and fulfill their duty of kindness to their parents. Allah has magnified the right of the parents, placing it after His right and the right of His Messenger. Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:36] [Al-Isra 17:23-25].
As for you, what has befallen you from their undutifulness is a matter in which you must be patient and seek reward from Allah. If you are patient and seek reward from Allah, you will thereby attain good deeds, just as the patient attain them:[Az-Zumar 39:10] It is not permissible for you to supplicate against them with what harms them. Rather, supplicate to Allah the Exalted for them with what benefits them and benefits you. So supplicate to Allah for their return to your kindness and the cessation of their undutifulness, so that by doing so you are doing good to them and, consequently, doing good to yourself as well.
A person may be afflicted with calamities even if he does not think he is the cause. There may be causes you do not know, and Allah may test a person with a calamity not as a retribution for a bad deed he committed, but so that his rank is raised thereby and he attains the station of the patient. For patience is a high rank that is not attained except through the presence of the causes for which one is patient, until the person is verified as possessing that attribute. Yes.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : We seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : They have cut off all means of communication with us, so we do not see them even on the festivals of the Muslims. I was not in that state with my father to the point that I would say this is my reward in this world; on the contrary, I was dutiful to both of them until the last moment of their lives. They passed away while satisfied with me. As for me, I bear all hatred and aversion toward these undutiful sons to the extent that I supplicate to Allah for their destruction. Is there anything on me for that? And what is on them for this undutifulness?
The Shaykh : There is no doubt that undutifulness to parents is among the greatest of major sins, and I seek refuge in Allah. These boys have fallen into great evil. They must repent to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) and return to Him and fulfill their duty of kindness to their parents. Allah has magnified the right of the parents, placing it after His right and the right of His Messenger. Allah the Exalted said:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
واعبدوا الله ولا تشركوا به شيئا وبالوالدين إحساناWhether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (24) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (25) Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] - then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving.
إما يبلغن عندك الكبر أحدهما أو كلاهما فلا تقل لهما أف ولا تنهرهما وقل لهما قولا كريما * واخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة وقل رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيرا * ربكم أعلم بما في نفوسكم إن تكونوا صالحين فإنه كان للأوابين غفوراAs for you, what has befallen you from their undutifulness is a matter in which you must be patient and seek reward from Allah. If you are patient and seek reward from Allah, you will thereby attain good deeds, just as the patient attain them:
Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account."
إنما يوفى الصابرون أجرهم بغير حسابA person may be afflicted with calamities even if he does not think he is the cause. There may be causes you do not know, and Allah may test a person with a calamity not as a retribution for a bad deed he committed, but so that his rank is raised thereby and he attains the station of the patient. For patience is a high rank that is not attained except through the presence of the causes for which one is patient, until the person is verified as possessing that attribute. Yes.
The questioner : Yes.