I am married to a woman, and before my travel to here, I had forbidden and warned her against going to a certain place
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The questioner : I am married to a woman, and before my travel to here, I had forbidden and warned her against going to a certain place, but she insisted on going there. I became very angry with her and said to her: “If you go to this place, you are to me like my mother and my sister.” Then I traveled, and after my return, I inquired about her and learned that she had disobeyed me and gone. What is the ruling in this case? What is the fate of the wife in such a situation if the husband does not expiate for his oath or his zihar? Is there a time limit for the expiation? If he does not expiate, is the wife divorced or not?
The Shaykh : Before I answer this question, I would like to advise you and everyone listening to this program to avoid this foolish behavior. Some people, when they want to prevent their wives from something, or want to affirm something, or deny something, they resort to using the formula of divorce, prohibition, or zihar. This is something they should not do. Allah the Exalted described zihar as an abomination and a lie, and regarding prohibition, Allah the Exalted said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):[At-Tahrim 66:1] And regarding the oath, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sahih al-Bukhari 2679 How can a Muslim do this? Or how does such behavior occur from him, such that when he does it, he regrets it and goes seeking the doorsteps of the scholars, hoping to find a solution for it? My advice to everyone who hears these words is to fear Allah in himself and to be brave and strong, controlling himself when angry, so that he can act in a sound manner.
As for the answer to this question: If the man intended by his saying: “You are to me like my mother” to prohibit her with this formula, then there is no doubt that he has committed zihar, and it is not permissible for him to approach her until he does what Allah commanded him to do in His saying:[Al-Mujadila 58:3-4] He must, before having intercourse with his wife, expiate with this expiation that Allah the Mighty and Majestic mentioned.
And if he intended by it prevention, meaning preventing the wife from this act that he forbade her from, and did not intend to prohibit her, then this is an oath, and its ruling is the ruling of an oath. He expiates with the expiation of an oath, and it is dissolved by the expiation.
The Shaykh : Before I answer this question, I would like to advise you and everyone listening to this program to avoid this foolish behavior. Some people, when they want to prevent their wives from something, or want to affirm something, or deny something, they resort to using the formula of divorce, prohibition, or zihar. This is something they should not do. Allah the Exalted described zihar as an abomination and a lie, and regarding prohibition, Allah the Exalted said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
O Prophet, why do you prohibit [yourself from] what Allah has made lawful for you, seeking the approval of your wives? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
يَا أَ يُّهَا النَّبِيُّ لِمَ تُحَرِّمُ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَكَ تَبْتَغِي مَرْضَاةَ أَزْوَاجِكَ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌWhoever has to take an oath should swear by Allah or remain silent.
من كان حالفاً فليحلف بالله أو ليصمتAs for the answer to this question: If the man intended by his saying: “You are to me like my mother” to prohibit her with this formula, then there is no doubt that he has committed zihar, and it is not permissible for him to approach her until he does what Allah commanded him to do in His saying:
(3) And those who pronounce thihar from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said - then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby; and Allah is Acquainted with what you do. (4) And he who does not find [a slave] - then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable - then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allah and His Messenger
وَالَّذِينَ يُظَاهِرُونَ مِنْ نِسَائِهِمْ ثُمَّ يَعُودُونَ لِمَا قَالُوا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍ مِنْ قَبْلِ أَنْ يَتَمَاسَّا ذَلِكُمْ تُوعَظُونَ بِهِ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرٌ * فَمَنْ لَمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ مِنْ قَبْلِ أَنْ يَتَمَاسَّا فَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَإِطْعَامُ سِتِّينَ مِسْكِينًا ذَلِكَ لِتُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِAnd if he intended by it prevention, meaning preventing the wife from this act that he forbade her from, and did not intend to prohibit her, then this is an oath, and its ruling is the ruling of an oath. He expiates with the expiation of an oath, and it is dissolved by the expiation.