The ruling on obeying one's parents in leaving recommended practices
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Your Eminence, is it permissible for a young man to perform a sunnah from the sunnahs, such as fasting, or raising his garment to the middle of the shin, or seeking knowledge that is not obligatory, even though his parents dislike it for him?
So what is your guidance, O Shaykh?
First: We advise some parents who are burdened when their child becomes righteous, whether male or female. As we have heard, some people—may Allah grant us well-being—feel pain when their son or daughter becomes righteous and try to prevent them from the remembrance of Allah and from obeying Allah. So I advise these parents against this ugly state.And the wonder is that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: (When a person dies, his deeds are cut off except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits people, or a righteous child who prays for him). These people try to stand between the child and his righteousness so that the child is not granted the ability to pray for them after their death. Unlike the righteous child, who is granted the ability to pray for his parents after their death.
As for the child, he does not obey his parents in leaving the obedience of Allah, just as he does not obey them in the disobedience of Allah. But obeying them in the disobedience of Allah is forbidden for him, and obeying them in leaving the non-obligatory obedience of Allah is left to him; because the recommended is left to the person, if he wishes he does it, and if he wishes he does not. But if he wants to do it, he should conceal it from them, hiding as much of his righteous deed as possible. As for what concerns the garment to the middle of the shin, this is an easy matter.And inform the brother: That the garment to the middle of the shin is a sunnah, and to below the middle of the shin is a sunnah. What is prohibited is that it be below the ankles. The Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, who are higher in status than those after them and more loving of good for those after them, their garments reached the ankle, or slightly above it. As Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): (O Messenger of Allah! One side of my izar hangs down on me unless I hold it up). This indicates that his izar went down below the middle of his shin; because if it were to the middle of his shin and hung down on him until it reached the ground, it would necessitate the exposure of his awrah from above. And this is what is known among the Companions.
If you see, for example: That people dislike the garment to the middle of the shin or higher. And if you dress as people dress, without extravagance or ostentation, it is more conducive to the acceptance of your speech. Praise be to Allah, leave what you want to do in order to reconcile hearts and accept the speech. For this reason, I find that people's hearts soften toward the advisor if his garment is as usual, but it is not forbidden to be more inclined toward those who raise their garment to the middle of the shin or more. And a person may leave the recommended to obtain what is better than it.This, and I see that if his parents say to him: Lower your garment to below the middle of the shin. I see that he should obey them in this case; because it is all a sunnah, and praise be to Allah, all of it was practiced by the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them.
So what is your guidance, O Shaykh?
First: We advise some parents who are burdened when their child becomes righteous, whether male or female. As we have heard, some people—may Allah grant us well-being—feel pain when their son or daughter becomes righteous and try to prevent them from the remembrance of Allah and from obeying Allah. So I advise these parents against this ugly state.And the wonder is that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: (When a person dies, his deeds are cut off except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits people, or a righteous child who prays for him). These people try to stand between the child and his righteousness so that the child is not granted the ability to pray for them after their death. Unlike the righteous child, who is granted the ability to pray for his parents after their death.
As for the child, he does not obey his parents in leaving the obedience of Allah, just as he does not obey them in the disobedience of Allah. But obeying them in the disobedience of Allah is forbidden for him, and obeying them in leaving the non-obligatory obedience of Allah is left to him; because the recommended is left to the person, if he wishes he does it, and if he wishes he does not. But if he wants to do it, he should conceal it from them, hiding as much of his righteous deed as possible. As for what concerns the garment to the middle of the shin, this is an easy matter.And inform the brother: That the garment to the middle of the shin is a sunnah, and to below the middle of the shin is a sunnah. What is prohibited is that it be below the ankles. The Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, who are higher in status than those after them and more loving of good for those after them, their garments reached the ankle, or slightly above it. As Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): (O Messenger of Allah! One side of my izar hangs down on me unless I hold it up). This indicates that his izar went down below the middle of his shin; because if it were to the middle of his shin and hung down on him until it reached the ground, it would necessitate the exposure of his awrah from above. And this is what is known among the Companions.
If you see, for example: That people dislike the garment to the middle of the shin or higher. And if you dress as people dress, without extravagance or ostentation, it is more conducive to the acceptance of your speech. Praise be to Allah, leave what you want to do in order to reconcile hearts and accept the speech. For this reason, I find that people's hearts soften toward the advisor if his garment is as usual, but it is not forbidden to be more inclined toward those who raise their garment to the middle of the shin or more. And a person may leave the recommended to obtain what is better than it.This, and I see that if his parents say to him: Lower your garment to below the middle of the shin. I see that he should obey them in this case; because it is all a sunnah, and praise be to Allah, all of it was practiced by the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them.