A word from the Shaykh on the rights of spouses between excess and negligence.

The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets and the Imam of the Pious, and upon his family and his Companions, and those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment. As for what follows:
This is the twenty-first of the monthly gatherings organized by the Da'wah Office in Unayzah at the Grand Mosque. And we have seen, and Allah is praised, and we have felt from many people the benefit of this gathering. Even if the only benefit were that the attendees ask questions that need clarification, and the answer to a question might require a full gathering because the question needs detail in its answer, and this is what we promise, if Allah wills, that when a question requires detail and expansion in its answer, we will take that as the topic of the gathering we open with, with the help of Allah. The topic of this gathering we are opening is what concerns marriage and divorce and the like. We previously urged in a previous gathering to reduce mahr (bridal gifts), and we explained that this is the Sunnah, that it is a cause of blessing, that it is a cause of cutting off disputes, and that it is a cause for the husband, if he is pleased with his wife, to keep her with kindness, and if he separates from her, to separate with excellence. But now, we are speaking about the rights of the spouses toward each other. Allah the Exalted referred to this in the Qur'an in general terms, saying: And He the Exalted said: meaning that women have over men the like of what men have over them, with kindness, justice, and uprightness. And this which Allah the Mighty and Majestic mentioned, a person must pay attention to it, fulfill it, and not be negligent in it, because it is a direction from the Wise, the All-Aware, and because it is a cause of affection and lasting happiness, because each of the spouses treats the other as he would like to be treated. And how much dispute occurs between spouses when the relationship becomes bad, until some people are forced to divorce the mother of their children because of one harsh word or an action he does not approve of, so he becomes like the woman about whom the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: And he also informed that women . The matter has now become the opposite; some men have become like women when something happens from their wife that angers them once, they break it off and divorce her, then Satan makes them regret it, and they come to the doors of scholars asking if they have a right to take her back? After falling into the trap, the trap of Satan, they come and say, do they have a right to take her back? If a person compared the bad and the good in the wife whom Allah the Exalted made for a person to find tranquility with, and made between the spouses love and mercy, if he compared the bad and the good, he would find that the good is many times more, in most women, indeed in the majority of women. So it is obligatory to treat her with kindness. Then, if the husband fears the defiance of his wife and her not fulfilling her duty, Allah the Exalted guided to three ways: meaning admonish them, warn them of Allah, explain to them the right of the husband. If they reform, that is what is required, otherwise abandon them in the bed, meaning for a night he does not stay with her in the bed, he goes to the right or left, or goes to another room, perhaps she will reform, because abandoning her in the bed may be harder for her than anything. If the required result is achieved, that is what is required, otherwise but strike them with a non-harmful strike, a strike that achieves reform and does not cause pain or harm. meaning do not seek a way against them again, so the woman remembers, she did such and such, she did such and such. No, if the waters return to their channels, it is not permissible for a person to mention anything of what has passed, because mentioning anything of what has passed renews enmity and hatred. For this reason, he said: meaning remember the elevation of Allah over you and remember His greatness over you, do not be arrogant and do not be haughty over these poor women, because Allah the Exalted is above you. Then, it is obligatory for the wife from her husband is spending, spending with kindness, clothing, housing, food, drink. He must spend on her with kindness, and this spending must be given with a willing heart, without boasting, and without reluctance to give it, because it is a right obligatory upon him, and with this, he is rewarded and given reward for it. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said to Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas (may Allah be pleased with him): If he is fulfilling a duty for himself, and making peace between him and his family, and he is rewarded for it. And his saying: If the man is stingy, the husband does not give her what suffices her with kindness, and she is fulfilling her duty, she has the right to take from his money without his knowledge, but with kindness. The Imam of the Muftis, Muhammad the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his family), issued a ruling on that, so he permitted her, whether with his knowledge or without his knowledge, because this is a right obligatory for her. Yes, if it is assumed that she defies, then at that time he may withhold what he withholds of spending to reform her.