A woman with her own money wants to buy gold bracelets for herself, but her husband says it is forbidden, and she refuses. What should he do? He has children with her.

'Id Abbas: A question about a woman who has two thousand Syrian pounds of her own money and wants to buy gold bracelets with them. Her husband ordered her not to do so because it is forbidden, but she refused and is insistent on it. He has five children from her. What should he do? ...

The Shaykh : A question like this, or one exactly like it, is repeated often. For example, here the question concerns a disputed issue, and I will answer it, of course. But I want to draw attention to something greater and more dangerous. A man says, "My wife does not pray, and I have so many children from her. What am I supposed to do?" Or, "My wife displays her adornment and does not wear the Shari'ah-prescribed outer garment. What am I supposed to do?" In this situation, we cannot say, "Divorce her" or "Do not divorce her." Why? Because this matter should have been considered before the marriage took place. If the marriage took place, it should have been considered before the child was born. If the child was born, it should have been considered before the child grew up. This person of obligation must have taken all these steps before the situation deteriorated and he comes asking, "What am I supposed to do?" If I tell him, "Divorce this wife since she does not pray and since she displays her adornment," I fear for you what I fear for her. And I cannot judge your self-control or your struggle with your Lord, and so on.
And I say here: So, are you the one who has this wife with so many children? If you divorce her because she does not obey you, is it generally possible for her to obey you in what is obligatory for her to obey? Are you able to take in the children and raise them? Especially since, due to the corruption of the times, if a man becomes a bachelor or a widower, as they say, it is very, very difficult for him to find a woman who will accept him as a husband. The greatest defect is that he is a husband and a divorcer. First, because the divorce is due to non-Islamic directives that arise from Islamic radio stations that claim to turn Muslims away from divorce. How quickly one of them says, "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: " This is a weak hadith. If they knew the science of hadith, and if the matter were as they say, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) would not have divorced Hafsa. When he divorced her, Jibril (peace be upon him) came to him and said to him: "Marry Hafsa again, for she is one who fasts and manages well". She is not one who leaves prayer or displays her adornment; she fasts and manages well. Yet the Messenger (peace be upon him) divorced her. Undoubtedly, the Messenger divorced her for a reason. Not every reason that may exist between spouses can be known by some people. From this comes the corruption of some Shari'ah rulings. They claim today that the Shari'ah judge enters between the woman and her husband, and may he also be a Shari'ah judge, meaning one who judges by what Allah has revealed, and he must know what is going on, as they say in the colloquial language!
'Id Abbas: The onion and its peel.

The Shaykh : The onion and its peel. He must know the details, my brother. Not everything is ... spoken of. Therefore, we cannot say to any man who complains that his wife does not obey him in the obedience of Allah the Exalted and Majestic, "Divorce her." Why? For the reason mentioned earlier. But if there is a man ... a pious man who divorces her and is patient with the divine decree and destiny, and he raises his children, even if he is not granted another wife, it is not permissible for him to keep her in this situation as long as she disobeys Allah the Exalted and Majestic.
We return now to the question. This is general speech. We pray here.

The questioner : There is no water ...

The Shaykh : There is no water. Okay, the one who has performed ablution prays here, and the one who has not performed ablution joins the prayer in the mosque after we finish this short speech.
So, this specific question is about the woman who does not obey her husband who reminds her of the hadiths of the Messenger that forbid gold bracelets for women. She is a sinner twice. The first time, she disobeys the Shari'ah. The second time, she disobeys her husband, because the husband has obedience from his wife like the Muslim ruler has from his people.
The Muslim ruler who judges by what Allah has revealed and by what the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) brought: if he forbids the Muslim people from something that is permissible in principle, that thing becomes forbidden. If the Muslim ruler forbids the Muslim people from something permissible, it becomes forbidden for the Muslims to do that permissible act, because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered obedience to those in authority in more than one hadith. Indeed, Allah the Exalted and Majestic ordered it before that: But, yes.

The questioner : .

The Shaykh : But this absolute obedience is restricted by one condition. He said: If the ruler orders disobedience, there is no obedience to him, neither hearing nor obedience. If the husband orders his wife to commit a sin, there is no obedience to him, neither hearing nor obedience. But if the husband orders his wife to do something permissible, and this is, of course, permissible, and there is no harm on her, because if there were harm, it would not be permissible, then ... the word is: if the husband orders his wife to do something permissible, she must obey him. For example, "Bring the cup." What does "bring the cup" mean? Bringing the cup is ... not an obligation, but merely his ordering her makes it an obligation ... we have no discussion on this. Whether the cup was empty, empty, full, full, etc.
The question is that he ordered his wife not to buy gold bracelets because he loves her, and because the Messenger, who is her Prophet and his Prophet, said: Yet she refuses him except to buy a gold bracelet and adorn herself with a bracelet of fire. In this situation, I say, as I said regarding women who do not pray, do not cover themselves, and so on: if you are able to be patient with divorcing this wife, and I think this example is not the only one, meaning there is, as they say, more behind the veil than what is behind it. I do not think a woman living with her husband within the limits of the Shari'ah, obeying him in everything he orders, except in the disobedience of Allah, and having no issue between them except this matter. I do not think this is the case. This is an example of several examples.
So I say then that either you are able to divorce her after you follow the Shari'ah path with her, and I remind men as well as women. Most men do not fear Allah in their treatment of their women. At least, they do not apply this Islamic disciplinary method with women. Perhaps he does not have this firmness and strictness to boycott her in the bed. He is the first to break the covenant. Why? Weakness of will, weakness of personality. So after this Muslim man follows this path with her and sees that after a long time and much patience there is no benefit, he divorces her, and Allah the Exalted and Majestic provides for him from her if he is able.
If he is not able, then enjoy her, and take pleasure in her despite her flaw, as came in the authentic hadith that a man came to the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, my wife does not turn back the hand of the toucher." He said: He said, "I love her." He said: And peace be upon you.

The questioner : Peace. May Allah reward you.