A woman who has her own money and wants to buy gold bracelets, but her husband forbids it because it is forbidden, so she did not obey him, and they have children together, so what should he do?

The questioner : A question from a woman who has two thousand Syrian pounds of her own money and wants to buy gold bracelets with them. Her husband ordered her not to do so because it is forbidden, but she did not agree and is insistent on it. He has five children from her. What should he do? Please answer us, and we thank you.

The Shaykh : A question like this, or one exactly like it, is repeated often. For example, here the question concerns a disputed issue, and I will answer it naturally, but I want to draw attention to something greater and more dangerous. Someone says, "My wife does not pray, and I have so many children from her, what should I do? My wife displays her adornment and does not wear the prescribed jilbab, what should I do?" In this situation, we cannot say "divorce" or "do not divorce." Why? Because the matter should have been considered before the marriage took place, and if the marriage took place, before the child was born, and if the child was born, before the child grew up. It was necessary for this responsible person to follow all these steps. But after the ship has sunk, he comes and asks, "What should I do?" If I tell him to divorce this wife, as long as she does not pray and as long as she displays her adornment, I fear for you what I fear for her. And I cannot judge your self-control or your struggle with your Lord, and so on. So I say here: Are you the husband of a woman with so many children? If you divorce her because she does not generally obey you, and now she does not obey you in what she is obligated to obey in, are you able to take in the children and raise them? Especially since, due to the corruption of times, it is very, very difficult for a man who is a bachelor or a widower, as they say, to find a woman who is willing to marry him. Because the greatest defect is to be a husband and a divorcee. First, because divorce is due to non-Islamic directives that are broadcast from Islamic radio stations that claim to deter Muslims from divorce. And how quickly one of them says, "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: " This is a weak hadith. If they knew the science of hadith, and if the matter were as they say, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) would not have divorced Hafsa. And when he divorced her, Jibril (peace be upon him) came to him and said to him, "Take back Hafsa, for she is one who fasts and is a good manager. She does not leave prayer and does not display her adornment. She is one who fasts and is a good manager." Nevertheless, the Messenger (peace be upon him) divorced her. And there is no doubt that the Messenger divorced her for a reason, and not every reason that can exist between two spouses can be known by some people. And from here comes the corruption of some of the rulings of the Shari'ah. They claim today that the Shari'ah judge enters, and he is not even a Shari'ah judge, meaning he does not judge by what Allah has revealed, but he enters between the woman and her husband, and with his hand he knows what... what do they say in the colloquial language?

The questioner : The onion and its peel.

The Shaykh : The onion and its peel. He needs to know the details, my brother. Not everything is known. It is not all spoken of. Therefore, we cannot say to any man who complains that his wife does not obey him in the obedience of Allah the Exalted that he should divorce her. Why? For the reason mentioned above. But if there is a self-reliant man and a pious man, he will divorce her and be patient with the divine decree and destiny, and he will raise his children, even if he is not provided with another wife. In this situation, it is not permissible for him to keep her, as long as she disobeys Allah the Exalted.
We return now to the question. This is general speech. We pray here, there is no water! The one who has performed wudu' prays here, and the one who has not performed wudu' catches up with the prayer in the mosque after we finish this short speech. So this specific question: the woman who does not obey her husband who reminds her of the hadiths of the Messenger that forbid gold bracelets for women, she is a sinner twice. The first time, she is a sinner against the Shari'ah. The second time, she is a sinner against her husband. Because the husband has obedience from his wife like the Muslim ruler has over his people. The Muslim ruler who judges by what Allah has revealed and by what the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) brought. If the Muslim ruler forbids the Muslim people from something that is originally permissible, this thing becomes forbidden. If the Muslim ruler forbids the Muslim people from something that is permissible, then it becomes forbidden for the Muslims to do this permissible act. Because the Messenger (peace be upon him) ordered in more than one hadith to obey those in authority. Indeed, Allah the Exalted before that said: But yes.

The questioner :

The Shaykh : But this absolute obedience is restricted by one condition. He said: If the ruler orders disobedience, there is no obedience to him, no hearing and no obedience. If the husband orders his wife to commit disobedience, there is no obedience to him, no hearing. But if the husband orders his wife to do a permissible act, and this is of course permissible, there is no harm on her, because if there were harm, it would become impermissible. So in other words, if the husband orders his wife to do a permissible act, she must obey him. For example, "Bring the cup." What does "bring the cup" mean? Bringing the cup is not obligatory for her, but merely his ordering her makes it obligatory. Empty or full? This discussion is not our concern. If the cup is empty, empty; if full, full, and so on. The question is that he ordered his wife not to buy gold bracelets because he loves her, and because the Messenger, his Prophet and her Prophet, said: So he loves her and does not want her to wear a gold bracelet, but she would rather wear a bracelet of fire. But she refuses him except to buy a gold bracelet, so she encircles herself with a bracelet of fire. In this situation, I say, as I said regarding women who do not pray and do not cover themselves, and so on: if you are able to be patient with divorcing this wife, and I think this example is not the only one. That is, as they say, "Behind the dune there is what is behind it". I do not imagine a woman living with her husband within the limits of the Shari'ah, obeying him in everything he orders her, except in the disobedience of Allah, and only this issue remains between them. I do not think this is the case. This is an example from several problems. So I say then: either you are able to divorce her after you follow the path of the Shari'ah with her, And I mention men before women. Most men do not fear Allah regarding their women. At least, they do not apply this Islamic disciplinary method with their women. Perhaps he does not have this firmness and strictness. He boycotts her in the bed, and he is the first to break the covenant because of what? Weakness of will, weakness of personality. After he follows this path with her and sees that after a long time and much patience there is no benefit, he divorces her. And Allah the Exalted will provide him with someone better than her if he is able. If he is not able, then enjoy her and take pleasure in her despite her crookedness, as it came in the authentic hadith that a man came to the Messenger (peace be upon him) and peace be upon you.