I am a girl suffering from my father's harsh treatment, his injustice, and his tyranny, to the extent that I sometimes doubt his paternity because of the hurtful words I hear from him, and
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The questioner : The questioner says: She recalls that she is a girl suffering from her father's harsh treatment, his injustice, oppression, and tyranny, to the extent that she sometimes doubts his paternity because of what she sees and hears from his hurtful words. She says: I do not hide from you that I hate him very much, but at the same time I always and often pray for his guidance. I often fall into cursing him and speaking ill of him behind his back, and I make up for this action by seeking forgiveness for him and praying for him. I do not like to face him; rather, I avoid him. He also does not ask about me or care about my affairs, but I try, as much as possible, to obey him when he orders me to. I have tried repeatedly to give him advice, but I have not found enough courage. He also does not give any of us the chance to confront him. He does not listen to his family or to anyone else, but does what his bad companions dictate to him without thinking about whether what he is doing is right or wrong, without looking at the consequences of things. I inform you that he is educated and always repeats some hadiths, and the strange thing is that those hadiths contradict his actions. My question, O honorable Shaykh Muhammad, is: Is there a sin on me for not talking to him and avoiding him, since that is against my will? Guide us in light of that, and is that considered undutifulness to parents?
The Shaykh : It is well known that parents have a right and children have a right. Parents have a right over their children, both male and female, and children have a right over their fathers and mothers. However, the right of parents over their children is greater than the right of children over their parents. For this reason, I advise you first: to be patient with the harm, injustice, and oppression coming from your father. I hope that through that patience and seeking reward, you will receive a reward from Allah, Mighty and Majestic. Second, do not cut off ties with him if this happens from him; rather, pray for him and be dutiful to him, and you will be the gainer. As for the father, I advise him to be a helper to his children, both male and female, in their dutifulness to him, and to be gentle with them and kind to them. Let him know that being harsh, unjust, and oppressive toward daughters is among the deeds of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance. The people of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance are those who hated females and hated their existence, to the extent that one of them,[An-Nahl 16:58-59] in the pre-Islamic age of ignorance, because of their hatred of women, when a female child was born to a person, he would go dig a hole for her and bury her while she was alive, may Allah protect us from that. It was even mentioned that some of them would leave the girl until she could distinguish things or was close to being able to distinguish them, then he would take her out to the desert and dig a hole for her. When some of the dirt would hit his beard, she would shake it off and clean it from his beard while he was digging the hole for her to bury her, may Allah protect us from that, and then he would bury her. It was also mentioned that some of them, when his daughter would call for help upon seeing him, he would throw her into the hole. She would call for help, "O father, O father," but he would not have mercy on her, but would bury her, may Allah protect us from that. These hearts are harder than the hearts of wolves. So every person who hates women and treats them badly has a resemblance to the people of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance. My advice to this father is: to fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic, in what Allah has provided him of females, and to know that if he is patient with them and disciplines them, they will be a shield for him from the Fire, as the Sunnah came with that from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Let him be kind to them, perhaps Allah will be kind to him when he meets Him on the Day of Resurrection.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : It is well known that parents have a right and children have a right. Parents have a right over their children, both male and female, and children have a right over their fathers and mothers. However, the right of parents over their children is greater than the right of children over their parents. For this reason, I advise you first: to be patient with the harm, injustice, and oppression coming from your father. I hope that through that patience and seeking reward, you will receive a reward from Allah, Mighty and Majestic. Second, do not cut off ties with him if this happens from him; rather, pray for him and be dutiful to him, and you will be the gainer. As for the father, I advise him to be a helper to his children, both male and female, in their dutifulness to him, and to be gentle with them and kind to them. Let him know that being harsh, unjust, and oppressive toward daughters is among the deeds of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance. The people of the pre-Islamic age of ignorance are those who hated females and hated their existence, to the extent that one of them,
(58) And when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief. (59) He hides himself from the people because of the ill of which he has been informed. Should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the ground? Unquestionably, evil is what they decide.
وَإِذَا بُشِّرَ أَحَدُهُمْ بِالأُنثَى ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُ مُسْوَدًّا وَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ * يَتَوَارَى مِنَ الْقَوْمِ مِنْ سُوءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِ أَيُمْسِكُهُ عَلَى هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُ فِي التُّرَابِ أَلا سَاءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَThe questioner : May Allah reward you with good.