What is the authenticity of the hadith of the man who came to complain to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), saying: “My wife does not repel the hand of a toucher.”

The questioner : In the hadith, always... and I searched for it, but... it is neither authentic nor weak... it helps me know its degree of authenticity, that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My wife does not repel the hand of a greeter,” so he said to him and in the second instance he said to him so the man argued that he had children from her, so in the fourth instance he said to him

The Shaykh : What did he say in the fourth instance?

The questioner : He said to him: “Admonish her.”

The Shaykh : Admonish her, from the word for admonition.

The questioner : Yes, ... .

The Shaykh : The hadith is authentic, but you narrated it with additions that have no basis. The hadith is in Sunan al-Nasa'i and others, as follows: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My wife, or my woman, does not repel the hand of a toucher.” There is no mention of shaking hands, first of all. Rather, he said so he said to him (peace and blessings be upon him) immediately He did not say to him “No” in the second, third, or fourth instance, nor “Admonish her.” He said He said: “O Messenger of Allah, I love her.” He said , this is how the hadith is. In the first instance, he said to him: “Divorce her.” When he said to him: “I love her,” he said , and the hadith must be understood with a correct understanding, and after this correct understanding, some legal rulings can be derived from it, which many people need, from the men who rush and execute divorce on their wives, then regret it. So we can take from this authentic hadith a ruling that corresponds to the situation of each of these regretting divorcers. So the correct understanding of this hadith is that “she does not repel the hand of a toucher” does not mean the husband thinks his wife is a prostitute. Do you know the meaning of prostitute?

The questioner : Yes.

The Shaykh : Rather, it means she is a naive woman, meaning simple. What would you say about you here?

The questioner : I mean, she is simple.

The Shaykh : Yes, I mean, she is simple. Well done. I mean, she is simple, like the dervishes. And these dervishes, whether men or women, are deceived by deception, but their intention from within is sound. So he means, and he testifies about his wife with this testimony in his saying , and this happens often in the villages, between the farmers and the farm women, because they live, unfortunately, in a society similar to the Western society, but there is, of course, some protection and Islamic etiquette, but there is some free mixing. So you find the young man talking to the young woman, and on the side of the road, meaning in the sight of the father and mother and friend and brother, and so on. He talks to her, and during the conversation, he does this with his hand, meaning “Go on, then...” This is a touch, you see, and the touch might be deeper than this, and so on. So the husband, we now want to speak... build the rulings on it. The shaking hands that some Muslims are afflicted with today, this came to them from Western and intellectual colonialism. But in the early era, there was no woman that a foreign man would shake hands with. Therefore, the issue of shaking hands has no relation to this hadith. Rather, as I told you, it is something that happens usually, in the past and present, even today. This pinching and this touching. When the man saw this simplicity from his wife, and this dervish-like behavior, what took him? Jealousy. So he complained about her to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). And without doubt, this simplicity and this heedlessness to this degree is a good character, even if the intention is not bad. So he said to him (peace be upon him): “Cut off this disease directly” Since she is a dervish and you are jealous He said: “I love her.” Here is the problem. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), the master of judges among humans, did not insist on his first saying , but he reversed it and said: “Hold onto her.” Why? And this hadith is among the hadiths that must be among the intended meanings, and not done... because a ruling is built upon it. Do you see why? Because we today ask, for example, “My husband does such and such, is it permissible for me to live with him? He drinks intoxicants, does not pray, such and such.” We say: No, it is not permissible. So what must I do? You must request separation from him. Since you are committed, it is not permissible for you to live under the protection of an open sinner, unless he is a disbeliever. You must request separation from the Shari'ah court. You say: “I have children, where do I go with the children?” Here I say: Since you cannot live without your children, then live with him. What we benefit from the previous hadith is that if you know its correct narration, he said , he said: “I love her.” He said: “Then” 0 If one of us is asked about a relationship between spouses that requires one of them to divorce the other, of course, by way of preference, because divorce is in the hand of the one who holds the heel, and he is the man. But today it has become known among women, and they do not hesitate to say: “I want to divorce my husband.” I know what you mean. She needs to file a lawsuit against him and request what? Separation. So she cannot divorce him, because divorce is in the hand of the one who holds the heel.