What is the authenticity of the hadith of the man who came to complain to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), saying: “My wife does not repel the hand of a toucher.”

The questioner: In the hadith, always... and I searched for it, but I did not find it, neither authentic nor weak... It helps me to know its degree of authenticity that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My wife does not repel the hand of a greeter,” so he said to him and the second time he said to him so the man argued that he had children from her, so the fourth time he said to him

The Shaykh: What did he say the fourth time?

The questioner: He told him to admonish her.

The Shaykh: Admonish her, from the word for admonition.

The questioner: Yes, ... .

The Shaykh: The hadith is authentic, but you narrated it with additions that have no basis. The hadith is in Sunan al-Nasa'i and others, as follows: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: “My wife, or my woman, does not repel the hand of a toucher.” There is no mention of shaking hands, first of all. Rather, he said: So he (peace and blessings be upon him) immediately said to him: He did not say to him “No” the second time, nor the third, nor the fourth “Admonish her.” He said He said: “O Messenger of Allah, I love her.” He said , this is how the hadith is. The first time he said to him: “Divorce her.” When he said to him: “I love her,” he said: , and the hadith must be understood with a correct understanding, and after this correct understanding, some legal rulings can be derived from it, which many people need, from the men who rush and execute divorce on their wives, then regret it. So we can take from this authentic hadith a ruling that corresponds to the situation of each of these regretting divorcers. So the correct understanding of this hadith is that “does not repel the hand of a toucher” does not mean the husband thinks his wife is a prostitute. Do you know what a prostitute is?

The questioner: Yes.

The Shaykh: Rather, it means she is a naive woman, meaning simple. I do not know what you call it here?

The questioner: I mean, she is naive.

The Shaykh: Ah, I mean naive. Well done. I mean naive. These naive people, whether men or women, are deceived, but their intention from within is sound. So he means, and he testifies to his wife with this testimony in his saying , and this happens often in the villages, between the farmers and the farm women, because unfortunately they live in a society similar to the Western society, but there is of course some protection and Islamic etiquette, but there is some free mixing. So you find the young man talking to the young woman, and on the side of the road, meaning in the sight of the father and mother and friend and brother, and so on. He talks to her, and during the conversation he does this with his hand, meaning “go away,” ... this is his touch, you see. And the touch might be deeper than this, and so on. So the husband, we now want to speak... build the rulings upon it. The shaking hands that some Muslims are afflicted with today, this came to them from Western and intellectual colonialism. But in the early era, there was no woman that a foreign man would shake hands with. Therefore, the issue of shaking hands has no relation to this hadith. Rather, as I told you, it is something that usually happens, old and new, even today. This pinching and this touching. When the man saw this simplicity from his wife, and this naivety, what took him? His jealousy. So he complained about her to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). And there is no doubt that this simplicity and this negligence to this degree is not a good character, even if the intention is not a bad intention. So he (peace be upon him) said to cut this disease directly get rid of her. As long as she is naive and you are jealous he said: “I love her.” Here is the problem. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), the master of judges among humans, did not insist on his first saying , but he reversed it and said: “Hold onto her.” Why? And this hadith is among the hadiths that must be in the mind of the one who intends, and does not... because a ruling is built upon it. Do you see why? Because today we ask, for example, “My husband does such and such, is it permissible for me to live with him? He drinks intoxicants, he does not pray, such and such.” We say: No, it is not permissible. So what must I do? You must request separation from him. As long as you are committed, it is not permissible for you to live under the protection of an open sinner, unless he is a disbeliever. You must request separation from the Shari'ah court. You say: “I have children, where do I go with the children?” Here I say: As long as you cannot live without your children, then live with him. What we benefit from the previous hadith is that if you know the correct narration of the hadith, he said , he said: “I love her.” He said: “Then” If one of us is asked about a relationship between a husband and wife that requires one of them to divorce the other, of course this is from the perspective of preference, because divorce is in the hand of the one who holds the leg, and he is the man. But today it has become known among women, and they do not hesitate to say: “I want to divorce my husband.” I know what you mean. She needs to file a lawsuit against him and request what? Separation. So she cannot divorce him, because divorce is in the hand of the one who holds the leg.