A man living abroad who works in a commercial establishment and sends his money to his father, who provides for his family, while his wife is with them and he does not send her personal money; is he
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The questioner : This questioner, Ali al-Hamidi, says: “May the Shaykh be respected, I am living abroad, I am married, and I work in a commercial establishment. I send the money to my father, who spends it on what the family needs in terms of food and drink. My wife is with them, and I do not send my wife personal money. Am I neglecting my duty toward my wife? I ask you for guidance.”
The Shaykh : If your father gives your wife what she needs in a proper manner, then you are not neglecting your duty, because you have fulfilled the obligation. However, if your father is stingy with her and does not give her what she needs, then it is obligatory for you to send her what she needs. But if you fear that something will happen in your father’s heart if you send her something specifically for her, then let that be done secretly and in a manner your father does not know about, because providing for the wife is obligatory.
It is also necessary that we ask, or that you ask, whether it is permissible to be separated from your wife for a long period while she needs your presence with her? We say that if she demands her right, you are not allowed to prolong your absence from her. And if she does not demand it, the matter is up to her. If you remain, for example, for a year or two or more, as long as she does not demand her right, the right is hers. This is a point that husbands must observe, because some husbands—may Allah protect us—forget their wife and do not care, and perhaps it is made easy for them to marry in the country where they are, so they turn away from the first wife completely. May Allah protect us.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : If your father gives your wife what she needs in a proper manner, then you are not neglecting your duty, because you have fulfilled the obligation. However, if your father is stingy with her and does not give her what she needs, then it is obligatory for you to send her what she needs. But if you fear that something will happen in your father’s heart if you send her something specifically for her, then let that be done secretly and in a manner your father does not know about, because providing for the wife is obligatory.
It is also necessary that we ask, or that you ask, whether it is permissible to be separated from your wife for a long period while she needs your presence with her? We say that if she demands her right, you are not allowed to prolong your absence from her. And if she does not demand it, the matter is up to her. If you remain, for example, for a year or two or more, as long as she does not demand her right, the right is hers. This is a point that husbands must observe, because some husbands—may Allah protect us—forget their wife and do not care, and perhaps it is made easy for them to marry in the country where they are, so they turn away from the first wife completely. May Allah protect us.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.