Her third and final question: She says, “I always find that my husband has no desire for me to visit my father’s and mother’s house for a reason I do not know, even though their home is one of the very pious homes that hold firmly to the teachings of the pure religion, praise be to Allah. But he allows me to go if I insist, as a courtesy to me, without his true consent. Will I be sinful and guilty for that visit, and will I fall under the ruling of the woman who went out without her husband’s permission? And is visiting them once a week sufficient, given that you know the rights of parents in maintaining family ties, obedience, and contentment? Please inform us. May Allah reward you with good.”
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : She has another question, which is her third and final one. She says, “I always find that my husband has no desire for me to visit my father’s and mother’s house for a reason I do not know, even though their home is one of the very pious homes that hold firmly to the teachings of the pure religion, praise be to Allah. But he allows me to go if I insist, as a courtesy to me, without his true consent. Will I be sinful and guilty for that visit, and will I fall under the ruling of the woman who went out without her husband’s permission? And is visiting them once a week sufficient, given that you know the rights of parents in maintaining family ties, obedience, and contentment? Please inform us. May Allah reward you with good?”
The Shaykh : We say: There is no doubt that dutifulness to parents is obligatory, and obedience to the husband is also obligatory.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : However, obedience to the husband takes precedence over what dutifulness to parents requires. Nevertheless, it is not befitting for a husband—I mean the husband—to prevent his wife from visiting her parents.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because this contradicts the saying of Allah the Exalted: It is not what is right to prevent her from visiting her mother’s and father’s house, unless he sees harm in it, such that he believes her visiting her parents’ house will corrupt her in his eyes. For some women have relatives who corrupt them toward their husbands. In that case, he has the right to prevent her from visiting her parents’ house. Otherwise, he should not prevent her, for as we have indicated, it contradicts the command to treat one’s spouse with kindness.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : As for her pressing him until he gives permission, while he is not fully satisfied, there is nothing wrong with that, but only within the limits of the obligatory dutifulness to her parents. She should not seek his permission constantly and always, for that goes beyond the obligation of dutifulness. She should limit herself to the obligatory dutifulness only. She should ask him, and even if in his heart he does not like her to go, as long as he has given permission in his outward conduct, the matter is judged by what is heard.
The questioner : Also, perhaps Umm Khalid presses too much because, as long as she visits them every week, for example, she might ask him for three days, for instance, asking to stay the whole week, asking to go and return from her father and mother. So she says, “I visit them once a week.”
The Shaykh : In any case, the visit does not have to be a full day; it may be one or two hours. And the condition of the parents may require frequent visits due to their illness or old age, or similar matters that require continued visits.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So we limit it with a general, comprehensive condition.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : If that is what the obligation of dutifulness requires, let her ask her husband. And even if he gives permission in this case, even if it is with reluctance, she has the right to go, because if he had wished, he would have prevented her.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : As for what goes beyond the obligation of dutifulness, she should not force her husband to give permission for it with reluctance.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The Shaykh : We say: There is no doubt that dutifulness to parents is obligatory, and obedience to the husband is also obligatory.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : However, obedience to the husband takes precedence over what dutifulness to parents requires. Nevertheless, it is not befitting for a husband—I mean the husband—to prevent his wife from visiting her parents.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Because this contradicts the saying of Allah the Exalted:
and live with them in kindness
وعاشروهن بالمعروفThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : As for her pressing him until he gives permission, while he is not fully satisfied, there is nothing wrong with that, but only within the limits of the obligatory dutifulness to her parents. She should not seek his permission constantly and always, for that goes beyond the obligation of dutifulness. She should limit herself to the obligatory dutifulness only. She should ask him, and even if in his heart he does not like her to go, as long as he has given permission in his outward conduct, the matter is judged by what is heard.
The questioner : Also, perhaps Umm Khalid presses too much because, as long as she visits them every week, for example, she might ask him for three days, for instance, asking to stay the whole week, asking to go and return from her father and mother. So she says, “I visit them once a week.”
The Shaykh : In any case, the visit does not have to be a full day; it may be one or two hours. And the condition of the parents may require frequent visits due to their illness or old age, or similar matters that require continued visits.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So we limit it with a general, comprehensive condition.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : If that is what the obligation of dutifulness requires, let her ask her husband. And even if he gives permission in this case, even if it is with reluctance, she has the right to go, because if he had wished, he would have prevented her.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : As for what goes beyond the obligation of dutifulness, she should not force her husband to give permission for it with reluctance.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.