Explanation of the author's statement: "And they enjoin dutifulness to parents and maintaining family ties"
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The Shaykh : All right, he said: "And they enjoin dutifulness to parents and maintaining family ties":
... Regarding dutifulness to parents, Allah the Exalted has not made anyone's right superior to the rights of the parents after His right and the right of His Messenger. So He said:[An-Nisa 4:36] Where is the right of the Messenger? The right of the Messenger is included in worship, because you do not fulfill worship until you fulfill the right of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). For this reason, it is included in His saying: [An-Nisa 4:36] How can one worship Allah except through the way of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him)? And if you worship Allah in accordance with the Shari'ah of the Messenger, you have fulfilled His right. It is clear.
Then comes the right of the parents. The parents have toiled for you, they have toiled for you, and especially the mother. The mother, Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Ahqaf 46:15] And in another verse: [Luqman 31:14] The mother toils in pregnancy, during delivery, and after delivery, and she shows mercy to her child more intensely than the father shows mercy to him. For this reason, she is the most deserving of companionship, even more than the father.
A man said:
The father also toils for his children. He is annoyed by their annoyance and rejoices at their joy. He strives with all means that bring them comfort, tranquility, and a good life, is that not so? He traverses deserts, wastelands, dangers, and barren lands in order to secure a livelihood for himself and his children.
So each of them has a right, and no matter what work you do, you will not fully discharge their right. For this reason, Allah Mighty and Majestic said:[Al-Isra 17:24] What is it? [Al-Isra 17:24] So their right is prior. They raised you when you were small, when you had no power to benefit or harm yourself. So their obligatory duty is dutifulness. Is dutifulness an individual obligation or a collective obligation? It is an individual obligation by consensus upon every person. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) prioritized it over jihad in the cause of Allah. So it is obligatory. Dutifulness to parents, which is an individual obligation, takes precedence over the obligation of jihad, as in the hadith of Ibn Mas'ud, he said: Riyad as-Salihin 1286
Who are the parents? They are the father and the mother. As for the grandfather and grandmother, they have a right of dutifulness, but it is less than that of the mother and father, because the grandfather and grandmother did not receive, or did not obtain, what the mother and father obtained in terms of toil, care, and attention. So their dutifulness is obligatory from the perspective of maintaining ties, but they, the grandfather and grandmother, are the most deserving of relatives in terms of maintaining ties. As for dutifulness, it is for the mother and the father. But what is the meaning of dutifulness?
Dutifulness: conveying good to the extent that you are able to convey good to the extent that you are able, and withholding evil.
Conveying good through wealth, conveying good through service, conveying good through everything that brings them comfort.
For this reason, the stronger position is that it is obligatory for children to serve their father and mother, provided that it does not cause harm to the son. So it is obligatory for him to serve them if there is no harm upon him. If there is harm upon him, it is not obligatory for him to serve them, except in cases of dire necessity.
For this reason, we say: Obedience to them is obligatory in matters that benefit them and do not harm you. As for what harms you, whether it is religious harm, such as neglecting an obligation for their sake, or physical harm, it is not obligatory upon you. As for wealth, it is obligatory for you to be dutiful to them by spending on them, even if it is much. And the father specifically has the right to take from your wealth whatever he wishes, provided that it does not harm you.
All right, if we reflect on the conditions of people today, we find that many of them are not dutiful to their parents; rather, they are undutiful. You find one who is kind to his companions and does not tire of sitting with them; if he were to stay with them night and day, he would not tire. But if he sits with his father or mother for an hour of the day, you find him restless, as if he were on hot coals. We ask Allah for well-being. This is not a dutiful person, this is not a dutiful person. The dutiful person is one whose chest opens up for his mother and father, and who serves them with the utmost eagerness, and who strives with the utmost effort to please them, to please both of them, with everything he is able to do.
And as the common people say: Dutifulness, while it brings the dutiful person a great reward in the Hereafter, is also rewarded in this world, it is rewarded in this world. Dutifulness and undutifulness, the common people say: What is it? Ancestors, ancestors, lend, you will be repaid. If you present dutifulness, your children will be dutiful to you. And here are many stories about how some people were dutiful to their parents, so their children were dutiful to them just as they were dutiful to their parents. And likewise, undutifulness: your child will be undutiful to you. And there are many stories, many stories, indicating that a person's children are undutiful to him just as he was undutiful to his parents.
So the important thing is that the people of the Sunnah and the community, may Allah make me and you among them, enjoin all good, dutifulness to parents, and maintaining family ties.
Look, there is a difference between the parents and the other relatives. The relatives have the right of maintaining ties, and the parents have the right of dutifulness. And dutifulness is higher than maintaining ties, because dutifulness, as we said a moment ago, is abundance of good and kindness. But maintaining ties is not cutting them off, not cutting them off. For this reason, it is said of one who leaves off dutifulness: he is undutiful. And it is said of one who does not maintain ties: he is one who cuts off family ties. Maintaining family ties is obligatory, and cutting them off is a cause of the curse, and may Allah protect us, and of being deprived of entering Paradise.
Allah the Exalted said:[Muhammad 47:22-23]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1909Sahih (Darussalam) Meaning: one who cuts off kinship. Maintaining ties is mentioned in the Qur'an and the Sunnah in an absolute sense.
"And every matter that comes and is not defined *** by the Shari'ah, like a safe - what is it? - define it by custom" As long as it comes in an absolute sense, it reverts to custom. So whatever people call maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and whatever they call cutting off is cutting off. And this varies according to conditions, times, places, and nations.
So if people are in a state of poverty and you are wealthy, and your relatives are poor, it is sufficient in maintaining their ties that you go to them in the morning and say, "How are you? How is your condition?" and in the evening, "How are you? How is your condition?" Is that not sufficient?
The student: It is not sufficient.
The Shaykh : What is necessary?
The student: You give to them.
The Shaykh : You give to them, you give to them according to your condition. These people say, if he sits from morning to evening saying, "How are you? How is your condition? How are you? How is your condition? How are you? How is your condition?" and does not give us anything, is he maintaining ties or not? No, he is not maintaining ties. They say, "Give us, or we do not see your face." Yes, all right, this is the condition if people are wealthy, and all of them are in well-being. It is possible that going to them in the morning and evening is considered what? Is it considered maintaining ties or not? All right, in our time now, the truth of the matter is that maintaining ties between people is little, because there is no connection. You find relatives who know each other; perhaps some people do not know, do not know the children of their cousin, is that not so? This is not maintaining ties in reality. But despite that, due to people being occupied with their needs, and some being occupied away from others, if you ask him, you say to him, "Is this one cutting off ties?" He says, "No, I did not cut off, because I always ask us, for example, and I always say, 'How are you? How is your condition?' He comes to us on the festivals, he comes to us sometimes on Fridays, he talks to us on the phone, he writes us messages. But the truth is, this is not complete maintaining ties. Complete maintaining ties is that you seek out their condition, how they are, and their children, and you see their problems. There is no person who does not have a problem. But this, unfortunately, is missing, just as complete dutifulness is missing.
And prayers and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. The author (may Allah have mercy on him) said, in explaining the morals of the people of the Sunnah and the community, after mentioning that they call to noble morals and beautiful deeds, and that they believe in the meaning of the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Abi Dawud 4682Hasan Sahih (Al-Albani) And that they urge one to maintain ties with the one who cuts them off, to give to the one who withholds from you, and to pardon the one who wrongs you. And that they enjoin dutifulness to parents and maintaining family ties. All these meanings have been presented previously, and I hope that they are on your minds, because they are important morals and high etiquettes that should not be neglected.
... Regarding dutifulness to parents, Allah the Exalted has not made anyone's right superior to the rights of the parents after His right and the right of His Messenger. So He said:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاWorship Allah and associate nothing with Him
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًاThen comes the right of the parents. The parents have toiled for you, they have toiled for you, and especially the mother. The mother, Allah the Exalted said:
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًاHis mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness
حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍA man said:
"O Messenger of Allah! Who is the most deserving of my good companionship?" He said, "Your mother." He said, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." He said, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." Then, in the third or fourth instance, he said, "Then your father."
يا رسول الله! من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي أو صحبتي ؟ قال : أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال : أمك. قال : ثم من؟ قال: أمك. ثم قال في الثالثة أو الرابعة : ثم أبوكThe father also toils for his children. He is annoyed by their annoyance and rejoices at their joy. He strives with all means that bring them comfort, tranquility, and a good life, is that not so? He traverses deserts, wastelands, dangers, and barren lands in order to secure a livelihood for himself and his children.
So each of them has a right, and no matter what work you do, you will not fully discharge their right. For this reason, Allah Mighty and Majestic said:
and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them
وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَاas they brought me up [when I was] small."
كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًاI asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): "Which action is dearest to Allah?" He (ﷺ) replied, "Performing As-Salat (the prayer) at its earliest fixed time." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (ﷺ) said, "Kindness towards parents." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (ﷺ) said, "To participate in Jihad in the Cause of Allah."
قلت : يا رسول الله! أي العمل احب إلى الله؟ قال : الصلاة على وقتها. قلت: ثم أي؟ قال : بر الوالدين.قلت : ثم أي؟ قال : الجهاد في سبيل اللهWho are the parents? They are the father and the mother. As for the grandfather and grandmother, they have a right of dutifulness, but it is less than that of the mother and father, because the grandfather and grandmother did not receive, or did not obtain, what the mother and father obtained in terms of toil, care, and attention. So their dutifulness is obligatory from the perspective of maintaining ties, but they, the grandfather and grandmother, are the most deserving of relatives in terms of maintaining ties. As for dutifulness, it is for the mother and the father. But what is the meaning of dutifulness?
Dutifulness: conveying good to the extent that you are able to convey good to the extent that you are able, and withholding evil.
Conveying good through wealth, conveying good through service, conveying good through everything that brings them comfort.
For this reason, the stronger position is that it is obligatory for children to serve their father and mother, provided that it does not cause harm to the son. So it is obligatory for him to serve them if there is no harm upon him. If there is harm upon him, it is not obligatory for him to serve them, except in cases of dire necessity.
For this reason, we say: Obedience to them is obligatory in matters that benefit them and do not harm you. As for what harms you, whether it is religious harm, such as neglecting an obligation for their sake, or physical harm, it is not obligatory upon you. As for wealth, it is obligatory for you to be dutiful to them by spending on them, even if it is much. And the father specifically has the right to take from your wealth whatever he wishes, provided that it does not harm you.
All right, if we reflect on the conditions of people today, we find that many of them are not dutiful to their parents; rather, they are undutiful. You find one who is kind to his companions and does not tire of sitting with them; if he were to stay with them night and day, he would not tire. But if he sits with his father or mother for an hour of the day, you find him restless, as if he were on hot coals. We ask Allah for well-being. This is not a dutiful person, this is not a dutiful person. The dutiful person is one whose chest opens up for his mother and father, and who serves them with the utmost eagerness, and who strives with the utmost effort to please them, to please both of them, with everything he is able to do.
And as the common people say: Dutifulness, while it brings the dutiful person a great reward in the Hereafter, is also rewarded in this world, it is rewarded in this world. Dutifulness and undutifulness, the common people say: What is it? Ancestors, ancestors, lend, you will be repaid. If you present dutifulness, your children will be dutiful to you. And here are many stories about how some people were dutiful to their parents, so their children were dutiful to them just as they were dutiful to their parents. And likewise, undutifulness: your child will be undutiful to you. And there are many stories, many stories, indicating that a person's children are undutiful to him just as he was undutiful to his parents.
So the important thing is that the people of the Sunnah and the community, may Allah make me and you among them, enjoin all good, dutifulness to parents, and maintaining family ties.
Look, there is a difference between the parents and the other relatives. The relatives have the right of maintaining ties, and the parents have the right of dutifulness. And dutifulness is higher than maintaining ties, because dutifulness, as we said a moment ago, is abundance of good and kindness. But maintaining ties is not cutting them off, not cutting them off. For this reason, it is said of one who leaves off dutifulness: he is undutiful. And it is said of one who does not maintain ties: he is one who cuts off family ties. Maintaining family ties is obligatory, and cutting them off is a cause of the curse, and may Allah protect us, and of being deprived of entering Paradise.
Allah the Exalted said:
(22) So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? (23) Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision.
فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِنْ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَنْ تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوا أَرْحَامَكُمْ * أُولَئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَعَنَهُمُ اللَّهُ فَأَصَمَّهُمْ وَأَعْمَى أَبْصَارَهُمْAnd the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
The one who severs ties will not enter Paradise.
لا يدخل الجنة قاطع"And every matter that comes and is not defined *** by the Shari'ah, like a safe - what is it? - define it by custom" As long as it comes in an absolute sense, it reverts to custom. So whatever people call maintaining ties is maintaining ties, and whatever they call cutting off is cutting off. And this varies according to conditions, times, places, and nations.
So if people are in a state of poverty and you are wealthy, and your relatives are poor, it is sufficient in maintaining their ties that you go to them in the morning and say, "How are you? How is your condition?" and in the evening, "How are you? How is your condition?" Is that not sufficient?
The student: It is not sufficient.
The Shaykh : What is necessary?
The student: You give to them.
The Shaykh : You give to them, you give to them according to your condition. These people say, if he sits from morning to evening saying, "How are you? How is your condition? How are you? How is your condition? How are you? How is your condition?" and does not give us anything, is he maintaining ties or not? No, he is not maintaining ties. They say, "Give us, or we do not see your face." Yes, all right, this is the condition if people are wealthy, and all of them are in well-being. It is possible that going to them in the morning and evening is considered what? Is it considered maintaining ties or not? All right, in our time now, the truth of the matter is that maintaining ties between people is little, because there is no connection. You find relatives who know each other; perhaps some people do not know, do not know the children of their cousin, is that not so? This is not maintaining ties in reality. But despite that, due to people being occupied with their needs, and some being occupied away from others, if you ask him, you say to him, "Is this one cutting off ties?" He says, "No, I did not cut off, because I always ask us, for example, and I always say, 'How are you? How is your condition?' He comes to us on the festivals, he comes to us sometimes on Fridays, he talks to us on the phone, he writes us messages. But the truth is, this is not complete maintaining ties. Complete maintaining ties is that you seek out their condition, how they are, and their children, and you see their problems. There is no person who does not have a problem. But this, unfortunately, is missing, just as complete dutifulness is missing.
And prayers and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. The author (may Allah have mercy on him) said, in explaining the morals of the people of the Sunnah and the community, after mentioning that they call to noble morals and beautiful deeds, and that they believe in the meaning of the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):