Chapter on the prohibition of a woman observing mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom it is four months and ten days.
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The reader: In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may prayers and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions:
He said -may Allah have mercy on him-: "Chapter on the prohibition of a woman observing mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom it is four months and ten days:
Zaynab bint Abi Salama (may Allah be pleased with them both) said: Agreed upon by al-Bukhari and Muslim".
The Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
He said -may Allah have mercy on him-: "Chapter on the prohibition of a woman observing mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom it is four months and ten days":
The meaning of mourning (Ihdad) is: abandoning adornment, perfume, and the like of what is considered beauty, joy, and luxury. It is forbidden. In the pre-Islamic age of ignorance, when a person died who was dear to them, they would observe mourning for him: they would refrain from perfume, beautification, and the like for a period as they determined for themselves. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clarified in this hadith, narrated by his two wives, Umm Habiba and Zaynab bint Jahsh (may Allah be pleased with them both):Sunan Ibn Majah 2085Sahih (Darussalam): The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) granted a dispensation in this matter, permitting mourning for a period of three days, and it is not permissible to exceed that. For example: a man’s son dies and he grieves for him. The obligatory thing is patience and seeking reward, and that affairs proceed as they are. He goes out to his shop if he is a shopkeeper, to his farm if he is a farmer, to his office if he is an employee, and to his school if he is a teacher or a student. The important thing is that his work is not affected in any way. This is what is prescribed, this is the Sunnah, this is what is most appropriate, and this is what is most comfortable for the person. He should not observe mourning for anyone, not even for his son, his father, his mother, or his brother; he does not observe mourning for them. To whom is the matter? To Allah (Mighty and Majestic). He has dominion and to Him belongs all praise. He is the Owner and the Praiseworthy in every state. So there is no need for mourning. Be patient and seek reward. We do not say "do not grieve," for every person has a living heart and will grieve. But we say: be patient and seek reward, as if nothing had happened. Do not ruin any of the affairs of your worldly life. This is the best, the most appropriate, the most comfortable, and the best.
But because souls may not be able to bear this, especially with a great loss, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) granted a dispensation for mourning for a period of three days only. That is, there is no harm if a person, for example, loses a friend or a relative and grieves so intensely that he cannot face people. There is no harm in him staying in his house for three days or less. However, the congregational prayer is obligatory; this is permissible. Likewise, regarding women, if her son, father, brother, or one of those she is deeply affected by dies, there is no blame on her if she observes mourning for three days or less. As for what exceeds that, it is not permissible:Sahih Muslim 1486b. The husband has a great right over her, to the extent that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan Ibn Majah 1852Da'if (Darussalam), due to the greatness of his right over her. But prostration is only for the Lord of the worlds, the Creator (Mighty and Majestic).
The important thing is that the wife observes mourning for four months and ten days. This is if she is not pregnant. As for the pregnant woman, she observes mourning until she gives birth, whether the period is longer or shorter. Accordingly, if a person dies, and a woman’s husband dies, she observes mourning for four months and ten days, based on the saying of Allah the Exalted:[Al-Baqarah 2:234]: four months and ten days. Even if he did not enter upon her. If he contracted marriage with her while she was in Medina and he was in Mecca and he died, she observes mourning for him, even if he did not enter upon her, as long as the marriage contract is valid.
And if she is pregnant, it is until she gives birth. Even if she gives birth before the husband is washed, the waiting period ends, and the mourning ends. For example, a woman’s husband dies while she is in labor, and when his soul departed, the child was born. That is, between the departure of her husband’s soul and her delivery, there were only known minutes. We say: now the waiting period has ended and the mourning has ended. She is allowed to marry. That is, she can marry. It is permissible by the Shari'ah for her to marry before her husband is buried. How? Why? She gave birth:[At-Talaq 65:4]. This is the end of her waiting period, and mourning follows the waiting period.
But what is mourning? Mourning is that the woman avoids the following things:
First: clothing of adornment. She does not wear a garment that is considered a garment of adornment. As for ordinary clothes, she may wear them in any color: black, green, red, yellow, or anything. What is considered adornment, such that it is said: this woman has beautified herself, it is not permissible for her to wear it while she is observing mourning for her husband.
Second: perfume in all its forms, whether oil, incense, amber, or otherwise. She does not use perfume at all, except if she purifies herself from menstruation. Then she takes a small amount of costus or azafrar, two known types of perfume, and uses them to perfume the place of impurity so that she does not have an odor.
Third: jewelry in all its forms. She does not wear jewelry, not on the feet, not on the wrists, not on the neck, not on the ears, and not on the chest. She does not wear any type of jewelry. Even if she had gold teeth, she removes them, if there is no harm to her. If there is harm to her, she should strive to hide it by reducing her laughter so that the tooth does not show and become apparent to people.
Fourth: not leaving the house. She does not leave the house at all except for necessity, or a need for necessity at night, or a need during the day. And without a need or necessity, it is not permissible for her to leave the house in which her husband died and she was residing. It is obligatory for her to stay in the house and not leave.
Now, if she says: I want to go out to my neighbors to keep them company during the day and early night, and then return to my house. We say: No. Your neighbors will come to you, but you do not go. You stay in the house in which your husband died and you were residing.
So if we assume that she traveled with her husband to a country for treatment, and her husband died in a country that is not her country, we say: return to your country, because this is not your original residence.
Fifth: beautification and adornment with kohl, wad, and the like. Even if we assume that her eye hurts her, she does not apply kohl, except with saffron or something similar that has no color. She does this at night and wipes it off during the day. This is if she needs it, otherwise not. For this reason:: Do not let them apply kohl, even though her eye hurts her. He said: Do not let them apply kohl. Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) even said: if she lost her eye, she does not apply kohl to it in any way, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked about this woman with the eye ailment and he refused to grant them a dispensation for kohl.
Likewise, reddening and beautification and the like of this.
As for soap that does not contain perfume, there is no harm in it.
Likewise, cleaning the head, and likewise, cleaning the skin.
And what is famous among the common people that the woman bathes from Friday to Friday, meaning: the one observing mourning. This has no basis. Likewise, what is famous among them that at night she does not go out to the courtyard, but stays in the shaded area under the roof. This is not true. She goes out to the roof, to the courtyard, and to whatever she wishes.
Likewise, what is famous in pure colloquial speech, they say: "The moon is a man. The common people say: the moon is a man with eyes, a nose, and a mouth, and the woman does not go out to the moon, because the moon is a man who appears to her. This is wrong, it is not correct. She goes out on a moonlit night, in clear sunshine, and in everything, but she does not leave the house".
Likewise, what is well known among the common people is that she should not speak to anyone except her mahram (relatives one may not marry), and this is also an error. She may speak to whom she wishes, to whoever asks permission at the door, and to whoever she speaks to on the telephone; there is no harm in speaking to them. She may speak to relatives of her husband and relatives of hers who are not her mahram, and there is no blame on her for doing so. In terms of speech, she is like other women: it is not forbidden for her to speak, but as Allah Mighty and Majestic said:[Al-Ahzab 33:32], and success is from Allah.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may prayers and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions:
He said -may Allah have mercy on him-: "Chapter on the prohibition of a woman observing mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom it is four months and ten days:
Zaynab bint Abi Salama (may Allah be pleased with them both) said:
I entered upon Umm Habibah (may Allah be pleased with her), the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), when her father Abu Sufyan ibn Harb (may Allah be pleased with him) had passed away. She called for a perfume containing saffron, aloeswood, or something else, and a girl applied it to her shoulders. Then she said: "By Allah, I have no need for perfume, except that I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say on the pulpit: 'It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to observe mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for a husband, for whom it is four months and ten days.'" Zaynab said: "Then I entered upon Zaynab bint Jahsh (may Allah be pleased with her) when her brother had passed away. She called for perfume and applied some of it. Then she said: 'As for me, by Allah, I have no need for perfume, except that I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say on the pulpit: "It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to observe mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for a husband, for whom it is four months and ten days."'
دخلت على أم حبيبة رضي الله عنها زوج النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم حين توفي أبوها أبو سفيان بن حرب رضي الله عنه ، فدعت بطيب فيه صُفرة خَلوقٍ أو غيره، فدهنت منه جارية ثم مست بعارضيها، ثم قالت : والله مالي بالطيب من حاجة ، غير أني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول على المنبر : لا يحل لامرأة تؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر أن تُحد على ميت فوق ثلاث ليال ، إلا على زوج أربعة أشهر وعشرًا، قالت زينب : ثم دخلت على زينب بنت جحش رضي الله عنها حين توفي أخوها ، فدعت بطيب فمسَّت منه ، ثم قالت : أما والله مالي بالطيب من حاجة، غير أني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول على المنبر : لا يحل لامرأة تؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر أن تحد على ميت فوق ثلاث إلا على زوج أربعة أشهر وعشرًاThe Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
He said -may Allah have mercy on him-: "Chapter on the prohibition of a woman observing mourning for a deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom it is four months and ten days":
The meaning of mourning (Ihdad) is: abandoning adornment, perfume, and the like of what is considered beauty, joy, and luxury. It is forbidden. In the pre-Islamic age of ignorance, when a person died who was dear to them, they would observe mourning for him: they would refrain from perfume, beautification, and the like for a period as they determined for themselves. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clarified in this hadith, narrated by his two wives, Umm Habiba and Zaynab bint Jahsh (may Allah be pleased with them both):
It is not permissible for a woman to mourn for any deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband.
أنه لا يجوز الإحداد على ميت فوق ثلاث ، إلا على زوجBut because souls may not be able to bear this, especially with a great loss, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) granted a dispensation for mourning for a period of three days only. That is, there is no harm if a person, for example, loses a friend or a relative and grieves so intensely that he cannot face people. There is no harm in him staying in his house for three days or less. However, the congregational prayer is obligatory; this is permissible. Likewise, regarding women, if her son, father, brother, or one of those she is deeply affected by dies, there is no blame on her if she observes mourning for three days or less. As for what exceeds that, it is not permissible:
It is not permissible for a woman believing in Allah and the Hereafter to mourn beyond three days except the husband
لا يحل لامرأة تؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر أن تحد فوق ثلاث إلا على زوجIf I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.
لو أمرت أحدًا أن يسجد لأحد لأمرت الزوجة أن تسجد لزوجهاThe important thing is that the wife observes mourning for four months and ten days. This is if she is not pregnant. As for the pregnant woman, she observes mourning until she gives birth, whether the period is longer or shorter. Accordingly, if a person dies, and a woman’s husband dies, she observes mourning for four months and ten days, based on the saying of Allah the Exalted:
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]
وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنْكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجًا يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنْفُسِهِنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًاAnd if she is pregnant, it is until she gives birth. Even if she gives birth before the husband is washed, the waiting period ends, and the mourning ends. For example, a woman’s husband dies while she is in labor, and when his soul departed, the child was born. That is, between the departure of her husband’s soul and her delivery, there were only known minutes. We say: now the waiting period has ended and the mourning has ended. She is allowed to marry. That is, she can marry. It is permissible by the Shari'ah for her to marry before her husband is buried. How? Why? She gave birth:
And for those who are pregnant, their term is until they give birth
وأولات الأحمال أجلهن أن يضعن حملهنBut what is mourning? Mourning is that the woman avoids the following things:
First: clothing of adornment. She does not wear a garment that is considered a garment of adornment. As for ordinary clothes, she may wear them in any color: black, green, red, yellow, or anything. What is considered adornment, such that it is said: this woman has beautified herself, it is not permissible for her to wear it while she is observing mourning for her husband.
Second: perfume in all its forms, whether oil, incense, amber, or otherwise. She does not use perfume at all, except if she purifies herself from menstruation. Then she takes a small amount of costus or azafrar, two known types of perfume, and uses them to perfume the place of impurity so that she does not have an odor.
Third: jewelry in all its forms. She does not wear jewelry, not on the feet, not on the wrists, not on the neck, not on the ears, and not on the chest. She does not wear any type of jewelry. Even if she had gold teeth, she removes them, if there is no harm to her. If there is harm to her, she should strive to hide it by reducing her laughter so that the tooth does not show and become apparent to people.
Fourth: not leaving the house. She does not leave the house at all except for necessity, or a need for necessity at night, or a need during the day. And without a need or necessity, it is not permissible for her to leave the house in which her husband died and she was residing. It is obligatory for her to stay in the house and not leave.
Now, if she says: I want to go out to my neighbors to keep them company during the day and early night, and then return to my house. We say: No. Your neighbors will come to you, but you do not go. You stay in the house in which your husband died and you were residing.
So if we assume that she traveled with her husband to a country for treatment, and her husband died in a country that is not her country, we say: return to your country, because this is not your original residence.
Fifth: beautification and adornment with kohl, wad, and the like. Even if we assume that her eye hurts her, she does not apply kohl, except with saffron or something similar that has no color. She does this at night and wipes it off during the day. This is if she needs it, otherwise not. For this reason:
A woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my daughter’s husband has died and her eye is afflicted—meaning her eye is in pain—should we apply kohl to it?" He said: "No."
جاءت امرأة إلى النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام وقالت : يا رسول الله إن ابنتي مات زوجها وقد اشتكت عينها -يعني توجعها عينها- أفنكحلها ؟ قال : لاLikewise, reddening and beautification and the like of this.
As for soap that does not contain perfume, there is no harm in it.
Likewise, cleaning the head, and likewise, cleaning the skin.
And what is famous among the common people that the woman bathes from Friday to Friday, meaning: the one observing mourning. This has no basis. Likewise, what is famous among them that at night she does not go out to the courtyard, but stays in the shaded area under the roof. This is not true. She goes out to the roof, to the courtyard, and to whatever she wishes.
Likewise, what is famous in pure colloquial speech, they say: "The moon is a man. The common people say: the moon is a man with eyes, a nose, and a mouth, and the woman does not go out to the moon, because the moon is a man who appears to her. This is wrong, it is not correct. She goes out on a moonlit night, in clear sunshine, and in everything, but she does not leave the house".
Likewise, what is well known among the common people is that she should not speak to anyone except her mahram (relatives one may not marry), and this is also an error. She may speak to whom she wishes, to whoever asks permission at the door, and to whoever she speaks to on the telephone; there is no harm in speaking to them. She may speak to relatives of her husband and relatives of hers who are not her mahram, and there is no blame on her for doing so. In terms of speech, she is like other women: it is not forbidden for her to speak, but as Allah Mighty and Majestic said: