The Ruling on Women Visiting Graves and Mourning the Dead

Question:
We return at the beginning of this episode to the message from the listener Umm Hudhayl from Iraq, Ninawa Governorate. Umm Hudhayl, we presented some of her questions in a previous episode, and in this episode she asks and says: I fast and pray and read the Qur'an, and I have strong faith in Allah, but when I remember my husband and my daughter who asks about her father, I cry intensely. I have told you that my husband was killed in the war. I go to his grave. Is it forbidden for a woman to visit graves? Knowing that when I go to his grave, I feel relieved and I stop crying. Do the dead see the living as it is said? Please guide us regarding these issues. May Allah reward you with good.

Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
So I ask Allah for steadfastness for you upon the truth. I was greatly pleased by what you mentioned regarding your uprightness in obedience to Allah. Be glad of good, and hold fast to the truth, and be upright in the oneness of Allah, and be sincere to Him, and maintain the prayer at its times, and fast Ramadan, and pay the obligatory alms, and other than this of what Allah has made obligatory upon you, while maintaining the covering prescribed for women, and staying away from the causes of trial, discord or temptation.
As for visiting the grave... visiting your husband's grave, and visiting graves, the correct view is that it is not prescribed for women; rather, women are prevented from it, and it is only prescribed for men, due to his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): and he cursed the women who visit graves.
So it is obligatory not to go to the graves. Make much du'a' for him in your home, and do good to him with du'a' and voluntary charity on his behalf. As for visiting his grave, there is no need for that. Lamenting over the dead is one of the major sins, and it also harms him. As for the tears of the eye, they do not harm. Tears of the eye without sound are permissible when remembering. The eye weeping is permissible. When the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) lost his son Ibrahim, his eye wept, and he said: .
So we advise you to have beautiful patience, and to make du'a' for him for forgiveness and mercy if he died upon good, and upon prayer, and upon righteousness, and praise be to Allah. Thank Allah that he died upon Islam, and upon maintaining the prayer. Do not be distressed, but rather ask Allah for his pardon, forgiveness, and mercy. Do good in raising his daughter, and be glad of the great good and the abundant reward. Voluntary charity also benefits him from your wealth. Yes.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good! This is if he does not pray, as mentioned in a previous question, Your Eminence the Shaykh?

The Shaykh: This is different, no, this is different.

The presenter: No, this is the same message.

The Shaykh : Yes.

The presenter: The same message.

The Shaykh: As for if he does not pray, no, as for if he does not pray, then she does not make du'a' for him, and she does not give charity on his behalf; because the one who abandons the prayer has been declared a disbeliever in the most correct of the scholars' opinions, even if he acknowledges its obligation, due to his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): and his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): So the matter is serious and great, and there is no power and no strength except with Allah.
And upon her... upon you, O questioner! To be diligent in performing the prayer, and maintaining it, and asking Allah for steadfastness, and repenting from what has passed of being lax with your husband. Yes.

The presenter : May Allah reward you with good.