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﴿ فَاسْأَلُوا أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ إِن كُنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ﴾

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How to deal with a wife who does not treat her husband well

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From Ahmad Abdullah Jadd of Burma, he says: Peace be upon you, and Allah’s mercy and blessings. I request that this question be presented to His Eminence Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Baz, and that the answer be broadcast, with abundant thanks. He says: I am afflicted with a wife who dislikes marital intimacy, i.e., sex. She does not know the husband’s rights, sleeps in another room, and does not know about adornment. I have advised her, guided her, and directed her, but to no avail. So, if I marry another woman and leave her, will I be sinful? Knowing that I have sons and daughters from her, and in the long run there is no way to reform her. Please inform us, may Allah reward you with good?
Answer: It is obligatory for the woman to obey her husband in what is right, and it is obligatory for her to treat him well, to allow him access to herself when he desires to relieve his need from her, to speak to him in the best manner, and to sleep with him in the bed if he requests it. This is what is obligatory upon her; because Allah says (Glorified and Exalted is He) :
And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority].وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ
[al-Baqarah:228] They have rights similar to those against them, with respect to kind treatment. Allah commanded kind treatment, so He said:
And live with them in kindnessوَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
[al-Nisa:19] Just as it is obligatory for the husband to treat his wife with kindness, it is also obligatory for her to treat him with kindness. And men have a degree of authority over women, so it is known that the man’s right is greater. And it is obligatory for both of them to cooperate in righteousness and piety, and to treat each other with kindness through good words and good actions, both her and him. If she persists in not allowing him access to herself, in isolating herself, and in not caring for herself regarding adornment and perfume, then this is a mistake and an error on her part, and it is not permissible for her to do so.
And you, O questioner, may marry absolutely. You may marry a second, third, or fourth wife, and there is no blame on you, even if the first was among the most obedient and compliant of people. You may marry, but in this case, it is even more appropriate for you to marry; because she has not fulfilled the obligation, and has not allowed you what causes your chastity and lowering of your gaze. So, what is prescribed for you in this situation, while you are able, is to marry until you become chaste, and until you find relief from this hardship. Perhaps through marriage, she will return to her right mind, and perhaps she will turn back from this error because of your marriage to another. This is what I see in this matter, along with advising her, caring for her, and directing her to good. And also, advise her relatives, such as her father, brother, maternal uncle, or paternal uncle, to advise her and direct her to good. And also her mother, grandmother, and maternal aunts; meaning, advise those around you from her relatives to advise her and direct her to good; because this is a matter that harms her and harms you both, and harms you both. If she listens and reforms, then praise be to Allah. Otherwise, you are free, praise be to Allah, and you can leave her. You can marry a second, third, or fourth wife. All of this is made easy for you, praise be to Allah, if you are able to do it. And Allah is the One to be sought for help, and we ask Allah for guidance for everyone.
Source binbaz.org.sa

The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.

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