Means of Reforming the Wife
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He says: I saw a man who quarreled with his wife, and he began by beating her severely. When the wife’s mother came to pull him off her, he grabbed her and beat her just as he had beaten his wife. What is the ruling of the Shari'ah in this matter?
Answer: It is not permissible for a man to beat his wife without a Shari'ah-based reason, and he has absolutely no right to beat her mother. This is aggression. He has no right to beat her mother, her grandmother, or her sisters. However, if he has a right against them, he should complain to the court. As for beating them on his own initiative, no. If he has a right against the mother, or the wife’s sister, or her aunt, or her father, he should go to the court or the responsible authorities, or... with her, or she should satisfy him with something so that they reconcile. As for the woman, he has no right to beat her except for a Shari'ah-based excuse, such as nushuz (marital defiance). If she defies him and neither admonition nor boycotting works, he may beat her with a non-harmful beating, a light beating. This is based on the saying of Allah, the Exalted: [Surat al-Nisa: 34], and His saying (peace and blessings be upon him): Sunan Abi Dawud 1905Sahih (Al-Albani), and He permitted beating them with a non-harmful beating if they disobey.
So, the conclusion is that a man has the right to beat his wife if she disobeys him and defies him, and it is not possible to reform her by means other than beating. In that case, he beats her with a light beating that deters her from disobedience without harming her by wounding or breaking a bone, based on the noble verse and the noble hadith. As for beating her without right, for the sake of his desire or his anger, when she has not done anything that warrants beating, this is not permissible for him and not befitting for him. This is part of bad treatment, and Allah says: [Surat al-Nisa: 19]. He should bear what may occur from her in terms of some shortcomings, based on His saying (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih al-Bukhari 5185, 5186, and in the other wording: Sahih Muslim 1467b. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) advised well regarding them, saying: , and he explained that there must be some crookedness, and that patience and bearing are required, along with not being harsh and not scrutinizing accounts regarding her mistakes. He should have generosity, good character, and forbearance to bear things. He should not punish for the small and the large, and for every action. No, rather he should advise, admonish, and remind, or boycott when necessary. He should boycott her in the bed or turn his back to her for days or nights. Then, if she reforms, he returns from the boycott and leaves it. If admonition does not work and boycotting does not benefit, he beats her with a non-harmful beating when she disobeys him or harms him, a light beating that carries no danger, no wounding or breaking. The intention behind this is that it is obligatory for him to treat her with kindness, as Allah, the Exalted, said: [Surat al-Nisa: 19], and He said (peace and blessings be upon him) : [Surat al-Baqarah: 228]. So let him fear Allah, have mercy on her, and beware of harshness, difficulty, and stubbornness. He should be forbearing, generous, and noble. And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: . May Allah send blessings and peace upon him.
So, O my brother! You must follow the example of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) in patience, forbearance, and noble character with his family, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him. You should overlook some easy slips and not scrutinize accounts for some slips. Rather, you should be lenient with much that does not harm you, but strive to ensure that she obeys Allah and is upright in the religion of Allah, and be concerned for her in that, so that she becomes a pious, believing woman, upright in the religion of Allah. As for what occurs of shortcoming in your right, you must observe leniency and good treatment, and not be harsh in that. You are upon a great reward and will praise the outcome. She may perhaps become aware, hold herself accountable, and return from her shortcoming because of your forbearance, your kindness, your good action, and your good words. May Allah guide them all. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Answer: It is not permissible for a man to beat his wife without a Shari'ah-based reason, and he has absolutely no right to beat her mother. This is aggression. He has no right to beat her mother, her grandmother, or her sisters. However, if he has a right against them, he should complain to the court. As for beating them on his own initiative, no. If he has a right against the mother, or the wife’s sister, or her aunt, or her father, he should go to the court or the responsible authorities, or... with her, or she should satisfy him with something so that they reconcile. As for the woman, he has no right to beat her except for a Shari'ah-based excuse, such as nushuz (marital defiance). If she defies him and neither admonition nor boycotting works, he may beat her with a non-harmful beating, a light beating. This is based on the saying of Allah, the Exalted:
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them.
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًاYou are responsible for providing them with food and clothing in a fitting manner
ولهن عليكم رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروفSo, the conclusion is that a man has the right to beat his wife if she disobeys him and defies him, and it is not possible to reform her by means other than beating. In that case, he beats her with a light beating that deters her from disobedience without harming her by wounding or breaking a bone, based on the noble verse and the noble hadith. As for beating her without right, for the sake of his desire or his anger, when she has not done anything that warrants beating, this is not permissible for him and not befitting for him. This is part of bad treatment, and Allah says:
And live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِI advise you to take care of the women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked
استوصوا بالنساء خيراً فإنهن خلقن من ضلع وإن أعوج شيء في الضلع أعلاه، فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته، وإن تركته لم يزل أعوجAnd if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.
فإن ذهبت تقيمها كسرتها وكسرها طلاقهاTreat women with kindness
استوصوا بالنساء خيراًAnd live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority].
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌThe best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my family.
خياركم خياركم لنسائهم وأنا خيركم لأهليSo, O my brother! You must follow the example of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) in patience, forbearance, and noble character with his family, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him. You should overlook some easy slips and not scrutinize accounts for some slips. Rather, you should be lenient with much that does not harm you, but strive to ensure that she obeys Allah and is upright in the religion of Allah, and be concerned for her in that, so that she becomes a pious, believing woman, upright in the religion of Allah. As for what occurs of shortcoming in your right, you must observe leniency and good treatment, and not be harsh in that. You are upon a great reward and will praise the outcome. She may perhaps become aware, hold herself accountable, and return from her shortcoming because of your forbearance, your kindness, your good action, and your good words. May Allah guide them all. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.