How to repent for undutifulness to a parent after his death
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Question:
A brother of ours says: The sender is your suffering son—as he describes himself—'Abd Allah ibn 'Ali al-Mu'aytab from Riyadh: My father, His Eminence Shaykh 'Abd al-'Aziz, please issue a ruling for me regarding a matter that has constricted my chest, and my health has been greatly affected by it. I disobeyed my father a great deal, and one day a case arose for me, and my father pursued it. During this, he was involved in a car accident and suffered greatly in the hospital, then he passed away while not pleased with me. At times, my family says that I am the one who killed him, and that I caused this accident. These words wound my heart, and at times I think—as Shaykh 'Abd al-'Aziz says—of committing suicide because of those words. I am now making du'a' for my father and reciting the Qur'an for him, but my health is affected. How do I expiate what I did toward my father, and what do you advise me and my family? May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
As for you, we advise you to adhere to sincere repentance, which includes regret for the mistreatment you did to your father, and a sincere resolve that you will not return to such undutifulness and severance. Along with this, you must follow this with righteous deeds, as Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) said in His great Book: [al-Furqan: 70], and He said: [Ta-Ha: 82].
So my advice to you is to adhere to repentance and regret for what has passed from you, and to increase in seeking forgiveness and righteous deeds, such as prayer, charity, and the like, along with tasbih, tahlil, tahmid, and takbir. Increase in reciting the Qur'an and other righteous deeds, along with making du'a' for your father for forgiveness, mercy, and a high rank in Paradise, and give charity on his behalf as much as you are able.
Charity benefits your father, but as for reciting the Qur'an on his behalf, there is no evidence for it; and although a group of scholars have said it, the best is to make du'a' for him instead of recitation; because there is no clear evidence that one recites for the dead, but rather du'a' is what is prescribed, du'a' for him, charity on his behalf, Hajj on his behalf, and 'Umrah on his behalf, all of this is a matter that benefits him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Riyad as-Salihin 1383, be a righteous son, and increase in du'a' and seeking forgiveness for your father along with your sincere repentance for what happened from you previously, and be glad with good news, for repentance wipes out what came before it, and praise be to Allah. Beware of waswas (whispers), and beware of obeying those who say to you: you did this and you did that... Repentance demolishes what was before it, and wipes out what was before it, praise be to Allah. Greater than undutifulness is shirk (associating partners with Allah), and if the mushrik (one who associates partners with Allah) repents, Allah accepts his repentance; so undutifulness is less than shirk, therefore repentance wipes out what came before it.
And my advice to your family is that they should fear Allah regarding you, and that they should not touch on this matter, and that they should give you good news; because you have repented, and repentance wipes out what came before it, so it is not permissible for them ever to remind you of what happened from you that harms you, and causes constriction of your chest and embarrassment. Rather, they should turn you away from this, and say to you: Praise Allah for what He has accepted your repentance, and you have no fault in this accident that requires you to be affected, for the matter is in the hand of Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) , He decreed what He decreed, and good is hoped for him, and perhaps he will be a martyr because of the accident.
So the result is that what is obligatory upon you is only repentance and adhering to it, and it is prescribed for you to make du'a' for your father and to increase in it, and charity as mentioned previously if it is facilitated, even if it is little, and Hajj if it is facilitated on behalf of your father, and 'Umrah likewise, all of this is good.
And be glad with good news, and beware of having a bad opinion of Allah, and beware of having a bad opinion of Allah. Whoever repents succeeds, whoever repents succeeds. He said, Exalted is He: [al-Nur: 31], and the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sahih Muslim 121, and he said: Sunan Ibn Majah 4250Da’if (Darussalam), so fear Allah and have a good opinion of your Lord, and be upright in His obedience, (Exalted and Majestic is He), and do not turn to those who blame you or say to you after this, for they are mistaken and wrong in that they harm you, and you have repented to Allah. Rather, it is obligatory upon them to give you good news, and to make you happy, and to help you in happiness and having a good opinion of Allah, for the one who repents is not to be harmed, the one who repents is given good news and helped. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you.
A brother of ours says: The sender is your suffering son—as he describes himself—'Abd Allah ibn 'Ali al-Mu'aytab from Riyadh: My father, His Eminence Shaykh 'Abd al-'Aziz, please issue a ruling for me regarding a matter that has constricted my chest, and my health has been greatly affected by it. I disobeyed my father a great deal, and one day a case arose for me, and my father pursued it. During this, he was involved in a car accident and suffered greatly in the hospital, then he passed away while not pleased with me. At times, my family says that I am the one who killed him, and that I caused this accident. These words wound my heart, and at times I think—as Shaykh 'Abd al-'Aziz says—of committing suicide because of those words. I am now making du'a' for my father and reciting the Qur'an for him, but my health is affected. How do I expiate what I did toward my father, and what do you advise me and my family? May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
As for you, we advise you to adhere to sincere repentance, which includes regret for the mistreatment you did to your father, and a sincere resolve that you will not return to such undutifulness and severance. Along with this, you must follow this with righteous deeds, as Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) said in His great Book:
Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good
إِلَّا مَنْ تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ عَمَلًا صَالِحًا فَأُوْلَئِكَ يُبَدِّلُ اللَّهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِمْ حَسَنَاتٍBut indeed, I am the Perpetual Forgiver of whoever repents and believes and does righteousness and then continues in guidance.
وَإِنِّي لَغَفَّارٌ لِمَنْ تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا ثُمَّ اهْتَدَىSo my advice to you is to adhere to repentance and regret for what has passed from you, and to increase in seeking forgiveness and righteous deeds, such as prayer, charity, and the like, along with tasbih, tahlil, tahmid, and takbir. Increase in reciting the Qur'an and other righteous deeds, along with making du'a' for your father for forgiveness, mercy, and a high rank in Paradise, and give charity on his behalf as much as you are able.
Charity benefits your father, but as for reciting the Qur'an on his behalf, there is no evidence for it; and although a group of scholars have said it, the best is to make du'a' for him instead of recitation; because there is no clear evidence that one recites for the dead, but rather du'a' is what is prescribed, du'a' for him, charity on his behalf, Hajj on his behalf, and 'Umrah on his behalf, all of this is a matter that benefits him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased).
إذا مات ابن آدم انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث: صدقة جارية أو علم ينتفع به أو ولد صالح يدعو لهAnd my advice to your family is that they should fear Allah regarding you, and that they should not touch on this matter, and that they should give you good news; because you have repented, and repentance wipes out what came before it, so it is not permissible for them ever to remind you of what happened from you that harms you, and causes constriction of your chest and embarrassment. Rather, they should turn you away from this, and say to you: Praise Allah for what He has accepted your repentance, and you have no fault in this accident that requires you to be affected, for the matter is in the hand of Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) , He decreed what He decreed, and good is hoped for him, and perhaps he will be a martyr because of the accident.
So the result is that what is obligatory upon you is only repentance and adhering to it, and it is prescribed for you to make du'a' for your father and to increase in it, and charity as mentioned previously if it is facilitated, even if it is little, and Hajj if it is facilitated on behalf of your father, and 'Umrah likewise, all of this is good.
And be glad with good news, and beware of having a bad opinion of Allah, and beware of having a bad opinion of Allah. Whoever repents succeeds, whoever repents succeeds. He said, Exalted is He:
And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.
وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَVerily migration wipes out all the previous (misdeeds)
التوبة تهدم ما كان قبلهاThe one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.
التائب من الذنب كمن لا ذنب لهThe presenter: May Allah bless you.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.