Reconciling Dutifulness to Parents with Avoiding the Forbidden
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Fatwa No. ( 19680 )
Q: How do I reconcile serving and obeying my parents with avoiding the forbidden?
A: This question requires that we give you a detailed answer regarding the treatment of a child toward his parents, and that is in the following matters: First: The rule of the pure Shari'ah is that it is an individual obligation (fard 'ayn) for the child to be dutiful to his parents, to obey them in what is right, and to be kind to them, and that is through soft speech, gentleness, love, and compassion for them, and conveying benefit to them in matters of religion and worldly affairs, serving them, and maintaining ties with their relatives and those they love, and this is part of completing kindness to them. This includes every parent, however high in status, and from the grandparents and grandmothers of every child, however low in status among the sons and daughters. This is a matter known from the religion by necessity, and the evidence for it is abundant from the Book, the Sunnah, and scholarly consensus. Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:36] And He the Exalted said: [Al-Isra 17:23]
And this is the command of Allah to His servants; as He the Mighty and Majestic said:[Luqman 31:14] until He the Exalted said: [Luqman 31:15] And in the hadith agreed upon for its authenticity from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), Muslim added: : . For this reason, the texts from the Book and the Sunnah came prohibiting undutifulness to them or causing any harm to them, and this is what the Muslims have agreed is forbidden, and that it is among the greatest of major sins, and the most severe of sins. And among undutifulness is: abandoning dutifulness to them, boredom and irritation, anger and being arrogant toward them, especially in the state of
their old age. We ask Allah for safety and well-being. For this reason also, if a parent wrongs his child, it is not permissible for the child to retaliate with evil, but rather he should retaliate with good; acting in accordance with the saying of Allah the Exalted:[Fussilat 41:34] And the parents are more deserving of kindness than others, and by the saying of Allah the Exalted: Second: Obedience of the parents in what is right is obligatory for their children as long as they do not command disobedience. If they command disobedience Mishkat al-Masabih 3696 , by the saying of Allah the Exalted: [Al-'Ankabut 29:8] And His saying the Exalted: [Luqman 31:15] And it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said: Mishkat al-Masabih 3696 Narrated by Imam Ahmad . For this reason, if the parents command their child to commit a sin, such as associating partners with Allah the
Mighty and Majestic, or drinking intoxicants, or exposing oneself, or imitating the disbelievers from the Jews and Christians and others, and the like of such sins, or if the parents command their child to abandon an obligatory act from the five obligatory prayers, or not performing them by the sons in the mosques, and the like of what Allah has made obligatory upon His servants - then it is not permissible for the child to obey them in any of that, and the right of the parents over the child remains in companionship with kindness and dutifulness, without obedience in disobedience or in abandoning an obligation. As for what concerns their obedience in permissible and customary matters, and in the matter of marriage and divorce, this returns to the assessment of benefits and harms and the comparison between them. If the parents command their child to do something of that, whether by prohibition or compulsion, and the benefit lies in disobeying them, then there is no blame on the child in that, with gentleness and good treatment; due to the generality of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): And the child is not considered undutiful by that. And if the benefit is stronger in obeying them in something of that, then in the child's obedience to them lies goodness, blessing, dutifulness, and kindness, and the parents are the most deserving of people of advising their child and striving for his benefit. Third: It is upon the child, if he sees deviation in the religion of his parents; such as negligence in prayers, committing forbidden acts, and earning haram wealth, that he should exert himself in advising them to fulfill the right of Allah upon them and adhere to His pure Shari'ah, and that should be with gentleness and softness, along with supplication for their guidance. And it is good to
cooperate with whoever helps him, whether a relative or a friend, in what rectifies the situation. If there is a response, then praise be to Allah, otherwise the child seeks help from Allah and avoids their earnings and living with them, and remains in their companionship in this world with kindness, following the path of one who turns to Allah the Exalted. This is not considered undutifulness, but it is not permissible for that to lead him to undutifulness to them and severing ties with them. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his Companions.
Q: How do I reconcile serving and obeying my parents with avoiding the forbidden?
A: This question requires that we give you a detailed answer regarding the treatment of a child toward his parents, and that is in the following matters: First: The rule of the pure Shari'ah is that it is an individual obligation (fard 'ayn) for the child to be dutiful to his parents, to obey them in what is right, and to be kind to them, and that is through soft speech, gentleness, love, and compassion for them, and conveying benefit to them in matters of religion and worldly affairs, serving them, and maintaining ties with their relatives and those they love, and this is part of completing kindness to them. This includes every parent, however high in status, and from the grandparents and grandmothers of every child, however low in status among the sons and daughters. This is a matter known from the religion by necessity, and the evidence for it is abundant from the Book, the Sunnah, and scholarly consensus. Allah the Exalted said:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاAnd your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلا تَعْبُدُوا إِلا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاAnd this is the command of Allah to His servants; as He the Mighty and Majestic said:
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍBut if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَThat a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, who is the most deserving of people of my good companionship? He said: Your mother. He said: Then who? He said: Your mother. He said: Then who? He said: Your mother. He said: Then who? He said: Your father.
أن رجلاً جاء إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: يا رسول الله: من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي؟ قال: أمك، قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك، قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك، قال: ثم من؟ قال: أبوكThen your nearest of kin.
ثم أدناك أدناكtheir old age. We ask Allah for safety and well-being. For this reason also, if a parent wrongs his child, it is not permissible for the child to retaliate with evil, but rather he should retaliate with good; acting in accordance with the saying of Allah the Exalted:
Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.
ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌAnd to parents, kindness
وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاA creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the "Creator.”
فلا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالقAnd We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَاBut if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness
وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًاA creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the "Creator.”
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالقMighty and Majestic, or drinking intoxicants, or exposing oneself, or imitating the disbelievers from the Jews and Christians and others, and the like of such sins, or if the parents command their child to abandon an obligatory act from the five obligatory prayers, or not performing them by the sons in the mosques, and the like of what Allah has made obligatory upon His servants - then it is not permissible for the child to obey them in any of that, and the right of the parents over the child remains in companionship with kindness and dutifulness, without obedience in disobedience or in abandoning an obligation. As for what concerns their obedience in permissible and customary matters, and in the matter of marriage and divorce, this returns to the assessment of benefits and harms and the comparison between them. If the parents command their child to do something of that, whether by prohibition or compulsion, and the benefit lies in disobeying them, then there is no blame on the child in that, with gentleness and good treatment; due to the generality of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
You know best the affairs of your worldly life.
أنتم أعلم بأمور دنياكمcooperate with whoever helps him, whether a relative or a friend, in what rectifies the situation. If there is a response, then praise be to Allah, otherwise the child seeks help from Allah and avoids their earnings and living with them, and remains in their companionship in this world with kindness, following the path of one who turns to Allah the Exalted. This is not considered undutifulness, but it is not permissible for that to lead him to undutifulness to them and severing ties with them. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his Companions.
Source
www.alifta.gov.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.