A man who hates his wife despite her fulfilling her duties and meeting his needs: what should be done?
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The questioner : A man hates his wife, and she fulfills all her obligations and meets his needs, but he hates her and does not fulfill the obligation he has toward this wife. What should be done? Please advise us, may Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : Hatred and love are not within a person's control; it is something Allah the Mighty and Majestic places in the heart of the servant. However, fulfilling an obligation or neglecting it is a matter of the servant's choice.
So we say: if the husband hates her, there is no cure for that except asking Allah the Mighty and Majestic to guide him and place love for her in his heart. As for his failure to fulfill his obligations, that is what can be treated. It is obligatory for the husband to fulfill what is required of him toward his wife in terms of good treatment, including providing clothing and financial maintenance, whether small or large, trivial or significant, and providing housing. He has no excuse for neglecting any of these.
As for the wife, it is obligatory for her also to treat her husband with good conduct, not to show resentment when fulfilling what is required of her toward him, and not to delay in doing so.
However, if her husband does not fulfill his obligations toward her, the first step is to reconcile between them by bringing the man and the woman together, reminding them of Allah the Mighty and Majestic, warning them of Him, and asking each of them to fulfill what is required of them toward the other. If the situation improves, that is what is desired. If it does not improve, then separation is the only option. This is because the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammās (may Allah be pleased with them) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I find no fault in Thabit regarding his character or his religion. In another version: I find no fault in him regarding his character or his religion, but I hate disbelief in Islam," meaning she hated remaining with him while she was not fulfilling his rights. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her: She said: Yes. Then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her husband Thabit: Sahih al-Bukhari 5273 So he did.
If the situation between the husband and wife is not stable, and their remaining in the marriage only adds complexity and intensifies the hatred, then separation is the best option. In most cases, or sometimes, after the separation, Allah places love in the heart of each one, and you find them trying to return to each other.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : Hatred and love are not within a person's control; it is something Allah the Mighty and Majestic places in the heart of the servant. However, fulfilling an obligation or neglecting it is a matter of the servant's choice.
So we say: if the husband hates her, there is no cure for that except asking Allah the Mighty and Majestic to guide him and place love for her in his heart. As for his failure to fulfill his obligations, that is what can be treated. It is obligatory for the husband to fulfill what is required of him toward his wife in terms of good treatment, including providing clothing and financial maintenance, whether small or large, trivial or significant, and providing housing. He has no excuse for neglecting any of these.
As for the wife, it is obligatory for her also to treat her husband with good conduct, not to show resentment when fulfilling what is required of her toward him, and not to delay in doing so.
However, if her husband does not fulfill his obligations toward her, the first step is to reconcile between them by bringing the man and the woman together, reminding them of Allah the Mighty and Majestic, warning them of Him, and asking each of them to fulfill what is required of them toward the other. If the situation improves, that is what is desired. If it does not improve, then separation is the only option. This is because the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammās (may Allah be pleased with them) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I find no fault in Thabit regarding his character or his religion. In another version: I find no fault in him regarding his character or his religion, but I hate disbelief in Islam," meaning she hated remaining with him while she was not fulfilling his rights. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her:
Will you return his garden?
أتردين حديقتهAccept your garden, and divorce her once.
اقبل الحديقة وطلقها تطليقةIf the situation between the husband and wife is not stable, and their remaining in the marriage only adds complexity and intensifies the hatred, then separation is the best option. In most cases, or sometimes, after the separation, Allah places love in the heart of each one, and you find them trying to return to each other.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.