Reconciling Marriage with Obedience to the Mother
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Question:
A letter signed by one of the listening brothers, stating: Your son (Dr. H. F.) has a case in which he says: I am a young man and the head of my family. A young man proposed to my sister, and after verifying his upright character, I accepted him, with my mother’s approval as well. Subsequently, the meeting between my sister and that young man took place, and, praise be to Allah, both of them agreed. However, after a few days, I was surprised to find my mother’s opinion on this marriage had changed, on the grounds that this sister is young in age.
O Shaykh! It is worth noting that three suitors had proposed before this young man, and the mother refused them on the grounds that the girl is young, even though her age is approaching twenty-four. Please guide us on how to reconcile the obligation to marry this girl with my mother’s satisfaction and her actions in this matter. May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
A twenty-four-year-old girl is not young; rather, she is old. She has passed the time for marriage. Therefore, it is not permissible for your mother to prevent it, nor to use this as an excuse. If the girl is willing, then marry her, even if your mother does not agree. It is obligatory for you to marry her, because in doing so you preserve her chastity, strive for the safety of her honor, and unite her with a suitable suitor, and praise be to Allah. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sunan Abi Dawud 2625Sahih (Al-Albani) Mishkat al-Masabih 3696 Delaying her marriage, when a suitable suitor is present and she desires it, is a sin.
Therefore, it is obligatory for you to proceed with the marriage, and to advise your mother with kind words to allow it and to be pleased, so that the matter may be, if Allah wills, to the satisfaction of everyone. If she refuses and insists, then obedience to Allah takes precedence, provided the girl is willing. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good.
A letter signed by one of the listening brothers, stating: Your son (Dr. H. F.) has a case in which he says: I am a young man and the head of my family. A young man proposed to my sister, and after verifying his upright character, I accepted him, with my mother’s approval as well. Subsequently, the meeting between my sister and that young man took place, and, praise be to Allah, both of them agreed. However, after a few days, I was surprised to find my mother’s opinion on this marriage had changed, on the grounds that this sister is young in age.
O Shaykh! It is worth noting that three suitors had proposed before this young man, and the mother refused them on the grounds that the girl is young, even though her age is approaching twenty-four. Please guide us on how to reconcile the obligation to marry this girl with my mother’s satisfaction and her actions in this matter. May Allah reward you with good.
Answer:
A twenty-four-year-old girl is not young; rather, she is old. She has passed the time for marriage. Therefore, it is not permissible for your mother to prevent it, nor to use this as an excuse. If the girl is willing, then marry her, even if your mother does not agree. It is obligatory for you to marry her, because in doing so you preserve her chastity, strive for the safety of her honor, and unite her with a suitable suitor, and praise be to Allah. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Obedience is in matters which are good and universally recognized.
إنما الطاعة في المعروفA creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the "Creator.”
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالقTherefore, it is obligatory for you to proceed with the marriage, and to advise your mother with kind words to allow it and to be pleased, so that the matter may be, if Allah wills, to the satisfaction of everyone. If she refuses and insists, then obedience to Allah takes precedence, provided the girl is willing. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.