Advising the wife to be kind and gentle with the mother, to please her, to strive to serve her, and to endure her mistreatment
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Fatwa number ( 17376 )
Q: I am an Egyptian resident in Riyadh , and my wife and children are in Egypt . The problem is between my mother and my wife. My wife is not beautiful, but what matters to me, praise be to Allah, is the beauty of her character, her protection of my honor in my absence, her care for my children, and her urging them to pray, memorize the Qur'an, learn what is lawful, and stay away from what is forbidden, even though they are still children. Furthermore, she constantly urges me to help my family, praise be to Allah. I have fulfilled my duty to the best of my ability before Allah and before the family in raising my siblings, and they obtained their university degrees, and the youngest is an engineer who got married a week ago. My father, may Allah have mercy on him, was always making du'a for me, to the extent that my mother used to say: Make du'a
for all of them; because he saw my sincerity with him, and with all members of the family, even prioritizing their requests over my children. And I am still bearing the expenses of my mother, and I am consistent in sending her a monthly allowance, clothes, and other things. Allah honored me by purchasing agricultural land which I left for my mother to eat from its produce, she and my siblings, and this is an obligation and a duty upon me. The problem is: that my mother, may Allah guide her, constantly belittles my wife for her poor health and lack of beauty, and belittles her for her mother's illness, and her mother is her full sister; because my wife is my maternal aunt's daughter. She belittles her for her father being poor, and having no residence, and being driven from one residence to another, even though her father, may Allah bless him, was granted a house in an excellent location valued at approximately one hundred and fifty thousand pounds, and his children include a university graduate who is an imam and a mosque imam, and the rest of the children are in all stages of education, and he is a committed man. And my father, may Allah have mercy on him, was not pleased with that and would scold my mother and appease my wife. He passed away a year ago. And I am an expatriate for the sake of a lawful livelihood for my children and my mother, and until Allah honors me by educating them as I educated my siblings before. And my mother humiliates my wife's dignity, and in a loud voice in front of the neighbors, to the extent that she took off her shoe - may Allah honor you - to hit her with it in front of the neighbors and my children. My wife went to complain to my uncle, but he has no power to do anything. My maternal uncle is alone, and there is no benefit from him, and she does not listen to anyone. And unfortunately, my children hate my mother because of her actions toward their mother, and when I try to improve her image in their eyes, they say: She
did such and such to my mother, and she does not show us any compassion, and she is always bad in her treatment of them. Your Eminence, the Shaykh: What do you advise me to do, and how should I act so that I do not anger my mother and lose my worldly life and my Hereafter, and do not lose my wife whom I know is wronged? And may Allah reward you with good.
A: If the situation is as you described, then you must, in the beginning: advise your wife to be kind and gentle with your mother, to please her and strive to serve her, and to endure her mistreatment, and that her doing this increases your satisfaction with her and your love for her. Then after that, strive to send intermediaries to advise your wife of this as well, along with advising them to advise your mother, and reminding her of Allah, Mighty and Majestic, and that her doing this is forbidden, and that she is exposed to the anger of Allah and His punishment in this world and the Hereafter. There is no harm in the intermediaries telling your mother: that your wife praises her, speaks of her with good, and acknowledges her worth, and that they should alert her that belittling your wife for her poor health and lack of beauty, and belittling her mother and father - is a forbidden act, and she is to be feared that Allah will afflict her in this world before the Hereafter with what she belittled them with, and informing her that what she belittles them with is from the decree of Allah upon them, in which they have no power or strength, and that instead of this, she should praise Allah for having spared her from what He afflicted them with, and thank Him, Exalted is He, for what He has bestowed upon her of health, well-being, and blessing, and ask Him, Exalted is He, to heal them. And there is no harm in you taking your mother aside and advising her
with good manners, preparing for it by stating that you honor her right and strive hard to be dutiful to her, and the eagerness to please her and make her happy. And you must, in all of this, ask Allah, the Exalted, to rectify the situations, and be patient and count it as a reward, and wait for relief from Allah, the Exalted. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his companions.
Q: I am an Egyptian resident in Riyadh , and my wife and children are in Egypt . The problem is between my mother and my wife. My wife is not beautiful, but what matters to me, praise be to Allah, is the beauty of her character, her protection of my honor in my absence, her care for my children, and her urging them to pray, memorize the Qur'an, learn what is lawful, and stay away from what is forbidden, even though they are still children. Furthermore, she constantly urges me to help my family, praise be to Allah. I have fulfilled my duty to the best of my ability before Allah and before the family in raising my siblings, and they obtained their university degrees, and the youngest is an engineer who got married a week ago. My father, may Allah have mercy on him, was always making du'a for me, to the extent that my mother used to say: Make du'a
for all of them; because he saw my sincerity with him, and with all members of the family, even prioritizing their requests over my children. And I am still bearing the expenses of my mother, and I am consistent in sending her a monthly allowance, clothes, and other things. Allah honored me by purchasing agricultural land which I left for my mother to eat from its produce, she and my siblings, and this is an obligation and a duty upon me. The problem is: that my mother, may Allah guide her, constantly belittles my wife for her poor health and lack of beauty, and belittles her for her mother's illness, and her mother is her full sister; because my wife is my maternal aunt's daughter. She belittles her for her father being poor, and having no residence, and being driven from one residence to another, even though her father, may Allah bless him, was granted a house in an excellent location valued at approximately one hundred and fifty thousand pounds, and his children include a university graduate who is an imam and a mosque imam, and the rest of the children are in all stages of education, and he is a committed man. And my father, may Allah have mercy on him, was not pleased with that and would scold my mother and appease my wife. He passed away a year ago. And I am an expatriate for the sake of a lawful livelihood for my children and my mother, and until Allah honors me by educating them as I educated my siblings before. And my mother humiliates my wife's dignity, and in a loud voice in front of the neighbors, to the extent that she took off her shoe - may Allah honor you - to hit her with it in front of the neighbors and my children. My wife went to complain to my uncle, but he has no power to do anything. My maternal uncle is alone, and there is no benefit from him, and she does not listen to anyone. And unfortunately, my children hate my mother because of her actions toward their mother, and when I try to improve her image in their eyes, they say: She
did such and such to my mother, and she does not show us any compassion, and she is always bad in her treatment of them. Your Eminence, the Shaykh: What do you advise me to do, and how should I act so that I do not anger my mother and lose my worldly life and my Hereafter, and do not lose my wife whom I know is wronged? And may Allah reward you with good.
A: If the situation is as you described, then you must, in the beginning: advise your wife to be kind and gentle with your mother, to please her and strive to serve her, and to endure her mistreatment, and that her doing this increases your satisfaction with her and your love for her. Then after that, strive to send intermediaries to advise your wife of this as well, along with advising them to advise your mother, and reminding her of Allah, Mighty and Majestic, and that her doing this is forbidden, and that she is exposed to the anger of Allah and His punishment in this world and the Hereafter. There is no harm in the intermediaries telling your mother: that your wife praises her, speaks of her with good, and acknowledges her worth, and that they should alert her that belittling your wife for her poor health and lack of beauty, and belittling her mother and father - is a forbidden act, and she is to be feared that Allah will afflict her in this world before the Hereafter with what she belittled them with, and informing her that what she belittles them with is from the decree of Allah upon them, in which they have no power or strength, and that instead of this, she should praise Allah for having spared her from what He afflicted them with, and thank Him, Exalted is He, for what He has bestowed upon her of health, well-being, and blessing, and ask Him, Exalted is He, to heal them. And there is no harm in you taking your mother aside and advising her
with good manners, preparing for it by stating that you honor her right and strive hard to be dutiful to her, and the eagerness to please her and make her happy. And you must, in all of this, ask Allah, the Exalted, to rectify the situations, and be patient and count it as a reward, and wait for relief from Allah, the Exalted. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his companions.
Source
www.alifta.gov.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.