Obedience to the Husband in Severing Family Ties
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Obedience to Parents and Obedience to the Husband
Question: A dispute arose between my husband and my family over a worldly matter. I wanted to stand by my family, because obedience to parents and kindness to them is compliance with the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). However, I was prevented from doing so by hadiths I heard from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), of which I do not know the degree of authenticity.Among them is his saying, the meaning of which is:Sunan Ibn Majah 1853Hasan (Darussalam) ،And another hadith says: , and I tried to reconcile the two parties, but I did not succeed in any way. I ask you to guide me to which side I should stand. I am afraid that if I anger my parents, I will anger Allah, and if I anger my husband, I will not be the believing wife who fulfills the husband’s right as it should be. I also ask that you give them advice, perhaps Allah will benefit them with it?
Answer: As for the right of the father, there is no doubt that it is obligatory, and it is a confirmed right. Allah the Exalted commanded obedience to him in what is good and kindness to him in many verses, and likewise
the right of the husband is an obligatory right upon his wife, and it is confirmed. Your father has a right over you, and your husband has a right over you, and it is obligatory for you to give every one who has a right his right. But regarding the dispute you mentioned between them, and you do not know with which of them to stand, it is obligatory for you to stand with the truth. If your husband is in the right and your father is in the wrong, it is obligatory for you to stand with the husband and advise your father. And if the opposite is the case, that your father is in the right and your husband is in the wrong, it is obligatory for you to stand with your father and advise your husband. So it is obligatory to stand with the truth and advise the one of them who is in the wrong. This is what concerns your position with your father or with your husband in the dispute between them.
And try to reconcile between them as much as you can, so that you may be an opener of good and a closer of evil, and this discord and corruption may be removed by your hand, and you will be rewarded for it. For reconciliation between people, especially between relatives, is among the greatest acts of obedience. Allah the Exalted said: [Al-Nisa: 114] .
As for the advice we direct to both parties, it is obligatory for them to fear Allah Mighty and Majestic, and to deal with Islamic brotherhood, and with the right of kinship and in-lawship that exists between them. They should forget the dispute between them, and each one should forgive the other, for this is the affair of Muslims. And they should not follow their desires, or follow Satan. Seek refuge in Allah from the whispers of Satan.As for the hadith: ... , this is an authentic hadith as far as I know. As for the second one, I do not know about it, but as we mentioned, its meaning is correct: that obedience to the husband is obligatory upon the wife in what is good.
Obedience to the Husband in Severing Family Ties
Question: Is it permissible for a wife to obey her husband in severing ties with her relatives, such as her mother, father, sisters, and kin? And upon whom does the sin lie in this case? Knowing that the husband cites the story of a woman in the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) who obeyed her husband in such a matter until her father died, and she did not see him, as obedience to her husband,And the Messenger supported her in that and said: , so what is the degree of authenticity of this hadith and what is the ruling in this matter?
Answer: Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, made the right of parents and the right of relatives obligatory, and He prohibited severing ties with parents and relatives. So severing ties with parents is undutifulness, and it is among the greatest of major sins after shirk (associating partners with Allah). Likewise, severing family ties is a major sin among the major sins,because of His saying, the Exalted: [Muhammad: 22, 23] .
And it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to sever ties with her relatives without right; because by doing so, he is forcing her to sin, and to cut off her relatives, and in that there is much sin, and in that there are many harms. Obedience to the husband and obedience to every one who has a right is only obligatory in what is good,As he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: ،
And by his saying (peace and blessings be upon him):Mishkat al-Masabih 3696 , so it is not permissible for this husband to prevent his wife from maintaining ties with her relatives within the limits of what is prescribed and within the limits of benefit. Rather, he should help her in that and encourage her in that, because in that there is much good for her and for him. As for the hadith the questioner referred to, I have not heard of it and I have not seen it, and I do not know its status.
Question: A dispute arose between my husband and my family over a worldly matter. I wanted to stand by my family, because obedience to parents and kindness to them is compliance with the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). However, I was prevented from doing so by hadiths I heard from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), of which I do not know the degree of authenticity.Among them is his saying, the meaning of which is:
If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.
لو كنت آمرًا أحدًا أن يسجد لغير الله لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجهاAllah will not be pleased with the woman until her husband is pleased with her
لن يرضى الله عن المرأة حتى يرضى عنها زوجهاAnswer: As for the right of the father, there is no doubt that it is obligatory, and it is a confirmed right. Allah the Exalted commanded obedience to him in what is good and kindness to him in many verses, and likewise
the right of the husband is an obligatory right upon his wife, and it is confirmed. Your father has a right over you, and your husband has a right over you, and it is obligatory for you to give every one who has a right his right. But regarding the dispute you mentioned between them, and you do not know with which of them to stand, it is obligatory for you to stand with the truth. If your husband is in the right and your father is in the wrong, it is obligatory for you to stand with the husband and advise your father. And if the opposite is the case, that your father is in the right and your husband is in the wrong, it is obligatory for you to stand with your father and advise your husband. So it is obligatory to stand with the truth and advise the one of them who is in the wrong. This is what concerns your position with your father or with your husband in the dispute between them.
And try to reconcile between them as much as you can, so that you may be an opener of good and a closer of evil, and this discord and corruption may be removed by your hand, and you will be rewarded for it. For reconciliation between people, especially between relatives, is among the greatest acts of obedience. Allah the Exalted said:
No good is there in much of their private conversation, except for those who enjoin charity or that which is right or conciliation between people
لَا خَيْرَ فِي كَثِيرٍ مِنْ نَجْوَاهُمْ إِلَّا مَنْ أَمَرَ بِصَدَقَةٍ أَوْ مَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ إِصْلَاحٍ بَيْنَ النَّاسِAs for the advice we direct to both parties, it is obligatory for them to fear Allah Mighty and Majestic, and to deal with Islamic brotherhood, and with the right of kinship and in-lawship that exists between them. They should forget the dispute between them, and each one should forgive the other, for this is the affair of Muslims. And they should not follow their desires, or follow Satan. Seek refuge in Allah from the whispers of Satan.As for the hadith:
If I were to command
لو كنت آمرًاObedience to the Husband in Severing Family Ties
Question: Is it permissible for a wife to obey her husband in severing ties with her relatives, such as her mother, father, sisters, and kin? And upon whom does the sin lie in this case? Knowing that the husband cites the story of a woman in the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) who obeyed her husband in such a matter until her father died, and she did not see him, as obedience to her husband,And the Messenger supported her in that and said:
Her father entered Paradise or was forgiven because of her obedience to her husband
إن أباها دخل الجنة أو غفر له بسبب طاعتها لزوجهاAnswer: Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, made the right of parents and the right of relatives obligatory, and He prohibited severing ties with parents and relatives. So severing ties with parents is undutifulness, and it is among the greatest of major sins after shirk (associating partners with Allah). Likewise, severing family ties is a major sin among the major sins,because of His saying, the Exalted:
(22) So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? (23) Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision.
فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِنْ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَنْ تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوا أَرْحَامَكُمْ أُولَئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَعَنَهُمُ اللَّهُ فَأَصَمَّهُمْ وَأَعْمَى أَبْصَارَهُمْAnd it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to sever ties with her relatives without right; because by doing so, he is forcing her to sin, and to cut off her relatives, and in that there is much sin, and in that there are many harms. Obedience to the husband and obedience to every one who has a right is only obligatory in what is good,As he (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Obedience is only in what is right.
إنما الطاعة بالمعروفAnd by his saying (peace and blessings be upon him):